I find myself fallingAgain
by MadameDegrassi96
Summary: Well i love Degrassi, so i thought about writing a fanfic. not real good with summaries w/out giving away too much! promise, its worth it tho! ;
1. The single tear

**_Okay, well this is my very first fanfiction ever! probably not that great but i just started so give me some credit! R&R! I changed a lot about what ACTUALLY happened. but hey thats why its a fanfic! _**

**_-J._**

**DISCLAIMER: i dont own nothing from degrassi.**

**CLARES P.O.V**

After we got back to lunch, Alli wouldn't leave me alone about liking this boy who I only once and had no idea who he was, hell I didn't even know his name. Of course the more I denied it the more Alli swore I was lying, the truth was I really had no idea. Yea he was cute, but I don't know him to like him. My thoughts were cut off by the lunch bell. To get away from Alli I took the long way around the school to get to English class. But by the time I got there, there was only one seat left; it was the one behind the boy who ran over my glasses. I looked over to where Alli was sitting; her expression couldn't have been any smugger. I sighed and took my seat just as the final bell rang and Ms. Doss came strolling in the class with a clip board in her hands. It took everything I had not to stare at the back of his head just wondering who he was and what he could be thinking of. I was brought back to reality as I heard

"… And Clare, Then Alli and Drew."

Whatever she was talking about had Alli grinning from ear to ear. Everyone started getting up and moving except me I was looking around trying to figure out what was going on.

"So English partner, what should we write about?"

I sighed now I realized why Alli grinned and everyone moved. I felt stupid because he looked at me waiting for an answer when I was dead silent just staring into his eyes. I finally decided to open my mouth so I didn't look so dumb.

"Um, I kinda, sorta, wasn't really paying attention. At all"

He looked at me with this smirk on his face, and I wasn't sure yet if it embarrassed me or annoyed me.

"Well she said that we had to be English partners for the year, 'no if's ands' or buts'.'"

He said the last part mocking her.

"And she said we had to choose a topic that was personal to write about, each of us and had to edit each other's work, or we could choose a topic together."

As he said this that annoying smirk came back to his face.

"So do you want to do the separate one or the other one?" I asked him. He thought about it for a minute, I was sure he had his mind up because he did it the way people did on cartoons that was too obvious, like the 'hmm' or the hands on the chin and looking up I just waited patiently

"Well what do you want to do?" Of course he would answer my question with a question.

"Honestly, it doesn't matter to me." Even though I couldn't get the thought of us spending time together out of my head. He just did that smirk thing again

"Well then partner where should we go to write this paper?"

"How 'bout the dot?" he said okay and we went to his Hearse, it was kind of shocking but I tried my best not to say anything it was going good until my phone went off. I checked it; it was a text from Alli

CLARE! DID YOU JUST LEAVE SCHOOL WITH ELI! OH CALL ME NOW! I KNEW YOU LIKED HIM CLARE-BEAR! 

-Alli 3

As we parked and he walked inside I told him to give me a minute, when he walked away and I was sure he was out of hearing distance I called her.

"Clare? Where are you? I'm coming wait no I'm not, I'll give you alone time I can't believe this! Clare and Eli!-"I cut her off.

"Alli relax. Breathe. And shush. Yes this is Clare who else would it be? I'm at the dot- Yes, With Eli? - yes.-"I heard her squeal "Alli! Stop, I'm not done yet, don't get your hopes up this is definitely not a date, were working on our English assignment, and before you squeal again no it's not _code. _Were really just working on our English assignment, gosh, if you like him so much you ask him out!" And before I could tell her I have to go she cut in.

"Clare stop denying it, go with the flow. I love you. Bye."

"Love you too, don't worry I'll call you when I get home. Now I have to go okay, when I hang up I expect you won't be hyperventilating, right?" She sighed.

"Fine but I expect full blown details!"

"Okay now I really, really have to go. Love you, bye" As I shut my phone and turned around he was standing there, I blushed wondering how much he heard.

"Paranoid boyfriend?" He suggested with a smirk. I couldn't help but go three shades redder.

"Actually, paranoid best friend, I don't have a boyfriend." Of course I wouldn't tell him how much of a coincidence it was that I didn't have a boyfriend because of my old best friend. *sigh*

As we were sitting on the bench while reviewed the text book. I was so confused on what to write about. Eli looked at me with those eyes that would melt me. As I sat there not really caring if I stared, I was remembering our first encounter. Where he told me I had pretty eyes. As I came back to reality I blushed realizing that we were still staring at each other.

"So what are you going to write about?" he asked me. I honestly wasn't even sure yet, so I shrugged and sighed at the same time and then put my head in my hands.

"Well if you could change anything in the whole world what would it be?" I knew immediately

"My parents, they are fighting a lot lately." He gave me an apologetic smile

"So write about that" he said it like it was simple. Like it didn't matter and it was just a story.

"I can't that's TOO personal! "He looked at me for a minute

"You know what your problem is? Your too afraid of what people think." He looked at me.

"No I'm not!" He did that stupid smirk thing again yet how much I actually liked it.

"Prove it." It took those two simple words to put me in such a trance. I just wanted to crawl into a tiny corner of my head and never come out. This reminded me too much of the incident that happened with KC, not only the total embarrassment. But the fact that I was totally in love with him during that point of my life. And it brought back feelings I didn't want to feel, like: hurt, sadness, but most of all bitterness and regret for ever feeling that way towards someone that just took my heart and tore in shreds. A simple tear, just one stranded tear that was left behind from the night I cried to sleep over KC. That one tear that was stranded when all the rest freely escaped. That one simple little small tear, was probably the most potent tear of all the rest. The one that meant the most to me, the one that made me now realize I really was going to get over him, that tear let me know that there would be no more left to come from my eyes for KC. Before I could snap back to reality I felt his finger gently wipe away that precious tear from my cheek. I looked up at him finally out of my daze.

"Is everything okay?" he asked me with a really concerned look on his face, and right when he asked me that, I realized what was up with me, everything was finally okay.

I looked up and smiled reassuringly "yes everything is fine." I got up really quick, I needed coffee. I was afraid he probably thought I was psycho. Then he got up with me.

"Where are you going?"

"Oh, I was going to get a coffee." I looked at him unsure then he just fallowed me when I got to the counter, I realized that Spinner was there. It had been so long since I've been to the Dot.

"HEY! Its baby Edwards! Long time no see" he reached in for a hug, I hugged him back.

"So how's it going, are you finally over that douche of a boyfriend?" I sighed

"Yea everything's good now, how have you been?"

"I've been good; i haven't talked to Darcy in a while how is she? Still as beautiful as ever huh? How is she getting along with the whole peter deal?" I mentally rolled my eyes, all people ever cared about was Darcy.

"She's great she's over him now all her attention is on the people she's helping. Knowing her she probably already has a new boyfriend, so unless she was involved in some accident I'm sure she's even more beautiful."

"That's good for her, so what can I get- Who's this?" He asked finally paying more attention.

"This is Eli. Eli-Spinner. I'll have coffee. "He gave me my coffee and I hurried back outside away from his questions. I really did like Spinner he is a good guy, I can't blaming him for being like everyone else. Always caring for the beautiful one more. Eli noticed I was deep in thought.

"Hey what's wrong?" I looked up at him probably on the verge of tears.  
"Oh nothing." He wasn't fooled  
"you're a horrible liar."

" It's just people always, without a doubt care about Darcy more, I mean I understand she's gone and they miss her but even before she left, everyone always knew me as Darcy's smart little sister. I'm the smart one, and she's the beautiful one." He looked at me in thought for a minute.  
"Clare. You are definitely not just the smart one, don't let that get to you because you're definitely beautiful." He looked away blushing.

"No, that's definitely not the case. Let's get back to work." As I thought _if I were so beautiful, I wouldn't have only attracted one person when Darcy attracted by many more._

"Do you honestly believe that?" he obviously wasn't going to drop this. I sighed

"Yes I honestly KNOW this." He continued.

"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk." I couldn't help but laugh "So you had a bad break up?" I definitely did NOT want to have this conversation.

"That I believe is none of your business." He got that little, adorable, se- stop yourself Clare.

"We ARE English partners, so I think it's fair that we share some secrets." He looked at me like I was really going to tell him. Those damn eyes. Sigh

"Well I used to like this guy, and I thought he was really nice and sweet but than a certain best friend of mine decided that she liked him and he cheated on me with her and broke up with me over it. But I'm over him now so it's not that big of a deal."

"Who was it?" I really didn't want to tell him

"Who? The guy or the friend?"

"Both" I turned my head

"Nope, not telling you!" and I started to get my stuff together and leave. He grabbed my arm gently,

"What are you doing?" He asked

"I'm leaving we have been here almost 2 hours."

"But we didn't get any work done?"

"Oh well that's YOUR fault I happened to be actually doing my work"

He laughed "lemme see that! I have a feeling your lying to me!"

I started to run down the street playfully laughing the whole time until he backed me up in a corner, I stopped laughing as did he. I could feel his breath on my neck I couldn't resist looking at his eyes and his lips. As I realized what I really wanted was for him to kiss me. I leaned my head in a little closer, then he moved his head in too. We were this close to kissing!

"Clare?" We both jumped back to see who it was. I couldn't believe my eyes as I saw…

**I KNOW! CLIFF HANGER! i cant believe i did that considering i've read atleast a million and 2 of these and hate them! but i do know it will keep you on your toes ;)**


	2. the Consequences of gorgeous sisters

"Clare?" We both jumped back to see who it was. I couldn't believe my eyes as I saw Darcy, my loving sister! I nearly faint as I jump in her arms.

"Darcy! What are you doing here? What about Kenya? What about-" She cut me off.

"Jeez Clare, relax, I can only answer one question at a time," she paused for a second staring at me then walk past me to Eli and says the worst possible thing she could've said. "Hi. Are you KC? Clare he is way different than you described" she says smiling at him. I nearly fall to the floor and die of embarrassment.

"Did you really just say that?" I asked her in shock. She looked confused, so did Eli who was in fact NOT KC. I guess she wasn't getting it. "This is most definitely NOT KC. This is Eli, my English partner." She looked shocked. And again continued with the embarrassing comments that could kill me.

"Well English surely has changed from when I remember, people never made out in MY English class!" I guess she thought that we were dating. I turned redder than ever and I thought I would die. Well things couldn't get any worse; as soon as she leaves he will probably stop talking to me for 2 reasons:

ONE: Darcy is way more gorgeous than me so he will probably want to go out with her.

TWO: He decides that I'm not cool enough to hang out with him and we spend every English class talking about how much he likes Darcy.

Well than since I'm already at the break of death I might as well continue right?

"Darcy no offense and all I love you and miss you but your kind of not helping here, so ill say this as nice as possible. Go home! Please… or just, leave?" At first she looked at me in shock but then she realized and started to walk inside the Dot. I knew that this was going to ruin me. I was going to return to "BABY EDWARDS" to everyone. Including the one person who I cared most about. I tried to sneak a look at him. He had that sarcastic smirk on his face, it was growing on me. But now was NOT the time, so I started walking away hoping to never ever have to face him again. As I continue to walk fast down the street someone steps in front of me from out of nowhere and I tripped. Before I had a chance to see who it was KC was already helping me up.

"Oh, sorry Clare, are you okay." I just sigh. No I was dying of humiliation. As if she couldn't ruin anything worse, Darcy walked out of the dot and walked up to me.

"Are you KC?" she asked the boy who actually was KC. I had to just get away, she needs to stay out of my life! I feel kind of bad, but all of my older friends already talked to her like she was there friend and I was the annoying sister and they were nice to me to get with my sister. Now she's pushing it by messing with the few friends I had left. Yea I know KC isn't my friend, but he would be talking to me more to try something on my sister I knew it. And I didn't want to talk to him unless extremely necessary circumstances. Forgetting that Eli was the other way, I turn back and start walking with me face to the floor hoping people wouldn't realize that I was at the brink of tears. How could she come in to my life and do this! I mean I love like you'd never know but still!

As I continue to drown in self pity I felt an arm grab me. Defensively I stand up forgetting the tears in my eyes expecting it be Darcy, or worse KC!

"COULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE DARCY!" I shouted before watching as Eli's face went into a surprised look. I reddened out of embarrassment. How could this be the same day that it was about oh I don't know? Ten minutes? You know where I was about to get kissed? Remember that? I surely do!

"Oh. I'm sorry- I thought you were Darcy…" my voice got quieter as I turned around tried to walk away but he grabbed me again. -!

_**Did you love it i know it was short but the pcoming chapter will continue it!**_


	3. Or there the lack of

_**Francesca: at first i thought i was going to make it KC, but then i decided that it wasn't very original because thats what half the otehrs stories say, and it wouldnt be a cliff hanger if you already knew what happened right? ;) love ya guys hope you enjoy!**_

ELIS P.O.V

"Clare, are you okay?" I asked grabbing her arm gently; she looked like she was on the verge of tears. What could be wrong?

Clare looked up at him with blood shot eyes "yea, fine got to go." I didn't really want her to go, as weird as it sounds I LIKE spending time with her. She makes me laugh and feel good, I haven't had that before. So without trying to sound desperate I asked her a few questions.

"Clare, well… when can I see you again?" I realized how awkward that sounded and continued. "… I mean to work on the um… the ah, English assignment." I didn't want to seem too desperate or scare her off or something. She looked at me surprised. I hope I didn't scare her. But then she smiled.

"Well my sister is in town, obviously, she likes to publicly embarrass me. So I'll call you when I can" her face still had the shocked look. Maybe she didn't want to hang out with me; I mean I couldn't blame her. *sigh* my life is so complicated. Before I could think to stop from asking my lips were spitting words out that my mind didn't even process yet.  
"Oh, that's cool I got it if you don't want to hang out." ELI MAN! Why did you say that! Now she'll feel guilty and- she cut my thoughts off with that beautiful smile on her face that left me breathless.

"Um, no that's not it at all we could hang out when ever; I just assumed you wouldn't want to hang out with me." As I saw her face light up I smirked my smirk. The one that says "I'm really sure and cool of myself on the outside" when inside my heart is telling my face to stop making a fool out of me.

"Why would you think that?" I asked with deep concern in my voice. Had I done something wrong to make her feel this way? I didn't think so.

"Well, it's just Darcy has that effect on people." I looked at her curiously

"What are you talking about?" she gave me a look that meant she thought I was acting like I was lying.

CLARES POV

I looked at him; he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. At first I thought he was just making it up, but then is face changed to confusion as he repeated.  
"What effect?" as I almost opened my mouth to try to explain it to him, KC walks up to me totally ignoring Eli.

"Clare! You know I'm sorry about what I did right?" he asked his face had a hopeful expression, but I knew what was next so I went along.  
"Yea definitely. I forgave Jenna too, I hope your happy together." I knew he wouldn't drop it at that; I acted as if I was gunna walk away

"Well, see ya." He grabbed my arm more aggressively than Eli had, but by his expression I knew he didn't mean to.

"Actually I was going to ask you something… How old, is your um… Sister?" he had a worried look on his face. I kept playing dumb.

"Well I actually don't remember why you don't go ask her?" his face went serious, oh uh okay then. I wanted to keep messing with him though it was to fun

"Oh and don't worry about Jenna getting jealous for no reason I already told Darcy and her that you DEFINITLY weren't gunna leave Jenna." As he walked away I turned to Eli. By his expression I knew he knew I was messing with KC.

"That effect" I said with a nod in KC's direction.

"ah." He said with an understanding nod. I thought maybe he might be a little crazy.

"Why do people act that way towards her?" he asked, as if he thought it was highly ridiculous. I couldn't help but laugh. He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Have you SEEN her?" I asked him with a look that would prove my point but he still didn't see what I meant.

"Um, yea just now, what does that have to do with anything?" I sighed this boy will be the death of me.

"You didn't notice how beautiful she is? That's why people act like that. Especially people like KC, who've never seen her and wonder how we could be related…"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ELI'S POV

This beautiful girl obviously thought very low of herself, she had close to no self confidence and low self esteem. I hoped I could help, because that's just a waste of beauty. But I guess that's how it is when people don't see her clearly with her sister in the room. I honestly can say Clare was way prettier. It was just something about her. I don't know. But before I could try to explain carefully, my mouth went off again like it had a mind of its own.

"I don't think she's nearly as beautiful as you are." I couldn't believe I just said that. She blushed so badly I almost thought she was extremely angry, but the smile she wore on her face as she looked at her feet said otherwise. She had a crush on me; at least I think she does. So what will I do? And of course knowing me I would make her blush some more.

"Aw, Clare! Do you have a crush on your English partner?" I asked with sarcasm. She nearly turned purple before answering me

"No! Definitely not!" she said a little too soon. But continued trying to be sarcastic.

"You wish!" she said. I laughed. She didn't even know the half of it. I loved how she didn't get mad like any other girl would when you embarrass them.

I decided to keep having fun with this; I got close t her ear and whispered. "I could think of a few good things my hearse is good for." It was full of sarcasm but she still blushed. But without a doubt retorted back. "Oh yes Eli, I'm so turned on! Just imagine that there was once someone's dead body RIGHT there." She said with just as much sarcasm then we both laughed. She randomly glanced down the street at that boy who came up to us, and her sister. Her smile quickly faded and her eyes gave away her sorrows. I couldn't help but feel the need to comfort or, to simply make her happy again. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. I never felt this way about a person before. What was thins beautiful, smart, girl doing to me? If this was a movie, I would've known that I and she wouldn't even give each other a second glance, yet here I am simply willing to do anything and everything for her with the simplest plea from her gorgeous lips.

"What did he do to you, for him to ask your forgiveness?" she snapped back to reality obviously was deep in thought, and gave me a weak smile.

"That's KC, he was my first boyfriend ever last year, he was so kind and sweet..." she paused obviously sad at the memories. "He is extremely smart; he is in the gifted program too. And that's how I met him. He never did anything for me to question his motives. I always thought that he would remain the same. I guess that's what happens, I shouldn't have been surprised when he cheated on me, I should've known that he was to good, too nice to me. But then once he cheated I knew that he was a jerk and my first impression of him was the truth! But then he broke up with me for Jenna, I was heartbroken but I understood, she is way prettier than me." As she looked at me as if coming back from inside her head, she smiled "but I'm so over him now. I honestly don't know how I was so nieve, oh well. I guess that's what they mean when they say learn from your mistakes, right?" I stood there for a minute dumbfounded, yes she did already tell me this earlier, but once I saw HIM and the Jan, Jen whatever girl. I was literally in utter shock. Why on earth would someone do that to Clare, for THAT girl? Clare continued to look at me, well stare is more the word, if it was anyone else I would've cared, but It wast. It was Clare, the most mature, beautiful, understanding, non-judging, forgiving person I know. It was so hard to believe that she wasn't like 20 but only 16. I closed the space between us, she didn't seem to mind. We were in this daze together, like we were the only ones there and nothing else mattered that's when I leaned in and so did she…


	4. confrontation is an ugly thing

_**hey people! i was bored so i wrote another chapter, hope you enjoy :) -J**_

CLARES POV

My head was spinning but my body was literally begging for his lips to touch mine. I thought that maybe I could control myself. But one moment I was waiting for him to kiss me the next I know I attacked him, at first I felt super embarrassed but then I realized he was kissing me back. I was clinging to him for dear life when he pulled away and held my hands to my side. At first I was confused? But then I realized everyone, that was in a one block radius of the dot stared at me, including many, many people who I would have to face. I looked at him and blushed. She did too but then his cocky smirk took place of it. At first I had no idea what to do; I mean I was surely not going to stand there like a fool. So at the first moment I could I took off down the street towards my house. Thanking god that my parents were not home yet. I ran up to my room and locked the door. Then I plopped on my bed for about one hour just thinking really hard about everything, as soon as I had one thought in my head it was replaced by another, I had no time to really concentrate on just one thing. But then out of nowhere I just start to giggle. What was happening to me? I think maybe I just might have lost complete sanity. Just as I got out of a nice hot shower trying to relax my nerves I sat on my bed and I jumped at the sound of my lap top going off. I go get to bring it back to my bed, not in the mood to sit in a chair. I was about to just exit out when I realized it was an IM from the boy who had stolen my sanity, yet I couldn't of been more happy.

**eli-gold49: Clare?**

At first I thought of what to say. So I just acted as if nothing happened unless he brpught it up

**clare-e23: yes…**

**eli-gold49: so, what happened to you?**

I felt my face get really hot even though he wasn't in the room I still felt extremely embarrassed. When I didn't reply soon enough he sent me another

**eli-gold49: are you, like mad? Or something…**

Oh no! He thought I was mad, I couldn't just ignore him.

**Clare-e23: no, are you...**

**Eli-gold49: why would I be mad? I'm just glad you're okay.**

That was a relief.

**Clare-e23: yea I am fine, I am sorry.**

Not wanting to hear anything else I turned on my music I thought maybe he was ignoring me but then I got a long IM from him

**Eli-gold49: You are sorry? Why? Well I mean if you don't want to kiss me anymore that's understandable. I am not going to apologize though. Because I Eli Goldsworthy, will not apologize when I am not sorry! But if you don't want it to be like that it's okay, I would hope it wouldn't make things awkward for us because you're really great and I would still like to be your friend, plus it would be weird being English partners with you not being my friend.**

I sighed a sweet relief (again)

**Clare-e23: I am honestly speechless right now.**

I didn't know if he was messing with me or not. So I didn't want to test the waters

.**Clare-e23: clare-e23 has signed off. **

Tomorrow was going to be a long day. Just thinking about tomorrow made me forget about what I would have to face today

ELI POV….

**Clare-e23: I am honestly speechless right now.**

**Clare-e23: clare-e23 has signed off.**

Oh no! Did I just totally blow it? I surely hope not! I mean SHE kissed ME! I am definitely not complaining right now. But still. Maybe she thought that it was a mistake. I sighed. I knew she wouldn't like me the way I like her. I mean I am still getting used to the idea so I can't even begin to consider what is going through her head! I looked at the time shocked it's only been not even 2 hours since our little, wonderful, kiss. The only thing that was in my mind right now was Clare. I wonder how she is wrapping her head around this. She doesn't seem the type to do well with confrontation. Good or bad. Then that got me thinking, how I could understand her making sure that she didn't hate me or something. The thought smacked me up side my head… figuratively speaking. Alli! Clare's best friend, which means if Clare is mad or happy or embarrassed, she would be the girl to know! Good night world wait for me in the morning! I am too exited. I just fell asleep and couldn't wait to put my plan in motion.

CLARE POV…

Ugh! It is time to get up already. No! I can't face him today. Well I couldn't just skip school *SIGH* I would just completely and totally ignore him! That's all I had to do. I was suddenly happy, that wasn't too hard to figure out. When I got out of the shower I saw my phone ringing on my bed. I picked it up to see Alli's face. I picked up.

"Clare! Why didn't you tell me you and Eli hooked up! I never thought little Miss Edwards was into that type of thing on the first date! But it's okay I am just glad you're finally with him." She waited for my response but I was at a loss for words. What was she saying about "hooking" up?

"Clare? Are you there? HELLLLOOOOO!"

"Uh sorry, wait… what! We definitely did NOT hook up! Where did you hear that from? All that happened was an accidental kiss that will never happen again!"

"Oh. My. God. I am sooooo sorry I should've asked you before listening to… IT." As soon as she said that I knew she meant the evil little skank who spread a rumor that I got a boob job.

"Alli, I have to get ready I will be at school in like 30 minutes. Don't. Let. Her. Out. Of. Your. Site!" she understood exactly who I meant.

"sure thing, btw if this goes the way I hope it goes, look forward to a ten!" at first I wasn't sure what the HELL she was talking about but then I caught on, she was referring to my last encounter with Jenna. I sighed rushed getting dressed, and angrily ran out of the house with Darcy on my back trying to talk to me. I just ignored her and ran to school. Once I got there Alli looked at me then a slow smile grew on her face as I spotted IT.

"Clare, Clare. If looks could kill…" I had no idea how to do this, I didn't want It to be personal, I wanted to embarrass the hell out of her! So I would wait till lunch. I tried to relax as I walked to my locker and saw Eli coming this way. I turned around and walked away acting like I didn't even see him.

"Clare! Wait up!" he was practically yelling. This was going to be harder than I thought.


	5. Caf Show

"Clare!" he continued to call after me. I didn't want to ignore him so I stopped and turned to face him.  
"So," I said looking at him kind of annoyed he noticed my annoyance and still didn't leave me alone.

"What's wrong?" he asked with a sincere look on his face. I didn't want to be mean so I just lied.

"Well I really have to go! So I will see you… sometime" before he could reply I ran off. To my class, the one before lunch! I wasn't even paying attention, until a note landed in front of my face.

Did YOU actually sleep with that emo kid?

-Drew.

Mind your own business!

-C.E.

I couldn't believe Alli's boyfriend of all people would believe such rumors. As soon as the bell rang I looked around, people were pointing at me and whispering to another person. I am going to kill her! As I walked to lunch Alli grabbed my hand and walked with me to lunch like it was any other day. As soon as I got to lunch I spotted her by the lunch table that just so happened to be in the center of the Caf. Ha! She would love this. My adrenaline was pumping I walked up to her and grabbed her by her wrists. And pulled her up. That definitely got people's attention. They all stared at me in shock. So I started talking- well yelling.

"Damn Jenna! You just can't leave me alone!-"she cut me off.

"Excuse you? You came up to ME!" that was it with trying to be nice

"I WASN'T DONE TALKING! When you came here to Degrassi I was SO nice to you, even when my gut told me not too, because I am a nice person. My gut told me you wanted KC! And at the time I was not going to be rude until I had proof because I, AM, A, NICE, PERSON! You still continue to be a little BITCH! To me even after you stole KC from me, which btw I really don't care about anymore. Whenever you see me happy, you just HAVE to get in the way? You spread a rumor that I got a boob job. What did you think I wasn't pretty enough? Well in case you haven't noticed I don't care what you think! I know I'm not blonde and bodacious but I am still me! I'm not going to go and get surgery done to win over a guy that clearly isn't worth my time. I let that slide, because I, AM, A, NICE, PERSON! But once you try to ruin me totally by telling the whole school that I had sex with someone, just because I kissed him? That is hitting below the belt. You may not care what people think about you sleeping around with other people, and frankly I don't care about what you do with your nasty body, but when you try to tell everyone that I CLARE EDWARDS had sex with someone who I BARELY KNOW! Well you can see why I'm mad! Did you even consider his feelings in all of this, because when you spread a rumor about having sex, it affects TWO PEOPLE JENNA! This guy that you don't even know, but that didn't matter to you did it, because It was a chance to prove I'm not as nice. And even if I DID have sex that wouldn't change who I am as a person, so stop trying to ruin me! I plan to stay a virgin till marriage and no little rumor is going to make me crumble in defeat, so stop trying to make me look like I'm a no good person when I, AM, A, GOOD, PERSON! Get it through your head JENNA! "With that I ran out of the Caf. Crying out anger, instead of sadness, most of me wanted to say sooooo much more but I knew I had to say what was necessary. I hoped I got my point across.

ALLI POV

I was in an utter shock, was that really Clare? My best friend who I never knew had such a backbone? My little Clare-Bear? SHE TOTALLY GETS A 100 OUT OF10! I surely did not expect this!

JENNA POV

I couldn't believe she was saying this to me, and no one was sticking up for me! UGH!

SAV POV

Whoa! Clare just told her!

DECLAN POV

Prop master Clare, I knew she wouldn't have sex! She was embarrassed by a little kiss, so she wouldn't!

HOLLY J POV

Go baby Edwards! Standing up for herself!

ANYA POV

Poor Clare! We never really talked but I always hear nice things about her!

KC POV

Whoa! Clare! But then as I look back I realize she is so right! Jenna needs to cool it!

ELI POV

Oh my-! I felt really bad for Clare, I don't know her that well but still I had a feeling that was something way! Out of her comfort zone! Yet that just made me even more attracted to her! Now I had a feeling she cared about me when she mentioned me in her little speech, and she cared enough not to embarrass me by using my name, even though I really wouldn't of cared. As soon as she left 3 big dudes, one I recognize as Spinney? Is that what she said? I don't know but he, some Indian dude, so fancy dude and Alli walked out after her. Then I fallowed. By the time I got out there all 3 dudes where trying to calm her down, I guessed it wouldn't be the best time to get involved yet I couldn't help but be a little jealous, so I kinda, sorta eavesdropped.

CLARES POV

"Clare! Are you okay? It's okay let it out!" I looked up to see that it was Sav who was talking to me his arms open I ran to him, just looking for comfort. Then out came Spinner, why was he even here? But I hugged him too, he was the biggest one. Then Declan came out

"Awe prop master Clare! Are you okay?" I cried into his shoulder, me and him were the closest because we didn't meet through Darcy. It was just a natural friendship. I crawled into his lap. He was soothing me on he bench.

"Hey she was just jealous! Because between me and you, I know that you're a good kisser!" he was smiling down at me trying to make me feel better, I blushed remembering the time I had an "over dose" of Fortnight fan fiction with a mixture of crushing and kissed Declan's neck!

ELI POV

Why was she sitting in some dudes lap, and how did he know she was a good kisser?

"Clare-Bear I am so sorry about that… IT" of course it was Alli.

Clare was still crying I decided that the jealousy was over bearing and I walked up to them, they wouldn't be mad, would they? I didn't start this rumor!

Declan saw me first and stood up but Clare pulled him back down and she continued to cry on him he glanced at me while soothing circles on her back. So then the Indian guy looked at me next.

I decided I should probably say something

"Hey is she okay?" I asked, Clare looked up at me and smiled apologetically, this wasn't her fault! The Spinney dude answered "she should be okay, honestly I don't know if she wants to talk to you right now though dude," he looked at me with his eyes as calm as ever. Then Clare started talking between sobs

"Call! *sob* D-Darcy t to *sob* come get me!" Declan continued to comfort her, it's okay, I can take you home if you want or we could do something to calm you down?

"Okay, well what do you want to do?" Declan faked being surprised

"Why Prop master Clare, you tell us!" what the hell is up with them two?

"I think we should just go for a ride" Declan smiled at her. Ugh!

"Well what better car to ride in for fun, other than my limo right?" his LIMO!

"Sure, but don't go wasting money just to drag me around!" he smiled at her again!

"Wouldn't dream of it!" Clare sat up her eyes were red and puffy. She ran over to me and hugged me I sorta didn't expect it. But I wrapped my arms around her anyway

"Eli! I am sooooo sorry!" I looked down at her confused

"Clare. Look at me." She did, "you didn't do anything wrong, stop apologizing."

Then she let go and went to get her things off the bench,

"I think I changed my mind, I think I just want to go home," she looked at Alli "sorry Alli, maybe next time I have a mental break down publicly we will get another chance at the limo!" Declan smiled and hugged her! Can she stop hugging him god!

"Prop Master Clare, there is always a free ride in a limo for you!" she smiled a sarcastic smile

"I guess my hot kissing skills paid off huh?" she was being sarcastic I was just standing there wondering why they were talking about kissing each other.

he had a comeback "you caught me! Because no one I know is as kinky as you with those vampires!" she looked at me as if she had forgotten I was there and blushed.

Alli hugged her "sooooo Declan can I use one of Clare's free rides?" she looked at him kinda hopeful

"Well what do you think Prop Master Clare?"

She laughed. "Well I only would give it to someone who was my totally best friend, and also they had to have experience kissing certain someone named Drew" what was up with these people and kissing!

"YEAH! I KISSED DREW! ME OVER HERE!" she said bursting out laughing

Clare hugged her "well if you insist!"

Clare walked past me to the street I stopped her.

"Clare! Wait do you um want a ride?" I asked her she looked shocked

"Wait what?" I was confused

"You want to give me a ride? I thought maybe you would just like never speak to me again!" I saw the excitement in her eyes!

"Now what kind of English partner would I be if I never talked to you?" I said sarcastically.

"Could we like pretend this little thing, the sex thing never happened?" she asked with a begging look in her eyes

"Of course! We can!" I hugged her as we got into my car. I was suddenly a lot happier!

_**READ AND REVIEW! PLEASE! honestly i understand if you dont want to, personally i didnt like this chapter, i think maybe i took to far? what do you think i love constructive critisism!**_


	6. reality hurts!

_I** Dont know if its that great, but i still had fun writing it! -J 3**_

2 WEEKS LATER…

CLARE POV

"Eli! Stop *laughter* oww *more laughter*" Eli was tickling me! He wouldn't stop until I admitted what I had dreamt about the other night. Of course I still wasn't going to tell him that I had dreams were he told her he was in love with me. So he soon gave into me, I did not expect him to take the next approach.

"But Clare-Bear! I really really want to know!" he whined and puckered out his lip and bashed his eyes at me. I pushed his shoulder away but he grabbed her as he fell to the floor. Then he rolled over on top of me. "Okay Clare! You asked for it. I, Eli Goldsworthy am NOT! I repeat NOT! Moving an inch until you tell me!" his closeness made me shutter. His breath blew across my neck like a small gust of cool wind in the hottest of all deserts. I had only kissed him that one time, we act as if that never happened now. But the passion was running like a surge of energy threw my body. His face bent down really close to hers "Clare. Wont you please tell me, tells your extremely cute, and irresistible friend, I'm worried sick!" his breath made her who body want to erupt.

ELI POV

I knew I was making her nervous by my closeness and I knew I could hardly resist the temptation, but I had to because she needed a friend.

"Elijah! You have nothing to worry about okay? So stop worrying it wasn't even a bad dream! Just a personal one!" she looked down and blushed as she finished her sentence. I decided to tease her. "Clare…" I whispered right by her ear. "Did you have a dream, about someone who happened to look JUST like me?" I was still whispering but you could feel the sarcasm is my voice. Even then I bent my face down to hers a moment from kissing her for our second first kiss, then out of nowhere, she pushes, really pushes me off of her and she started to run back home. Did I do something wrong? I could swear that she wanted it. Hmm maybe I misunderstood.

"Clare wait, where are you going in the middle of the night? At least let me drive you! As we drove to her house she didn't say anything. Every time I tried to talk she would drown me out. I tried to reach for her hand; she snatched it away before I got a hold of it, though I would never admit it but it hurt me deep. I swore she liked me just as much as I liked her!

3rd person POV

The next day at school, Clare would avoid Eli, she didn't want to admit that she wanted to kiss him back, but it hurt that he could never feel the same way she did. But she wouldn't let herself fall in love again, she swore to it. Darcy was still here, and KC still liked her, Darcy still wanted to talk to her about the kiss with Eli a couple weeks ago. But she always could avoid her by hanging out with Eli. The truth was, now that she was sure that she was falling for him, she was really in need of some sisterly talk. She knew that with KC she needed Darcy, when he broke her heart, she needed Darcy. And now she was falling, again.

The bell rang and she rushed off to media immersions class. Alli was already there and as soon as she saw Clare she started to get all bouncy

"Tell me EVERYTHING!" Clare sighed.

"There is absolutely nothing to tell." She wasn't going to tell her about her embarrassing moment, where she realized how much she really wanted Eli, and how much she knew it was a bad idea.

"Clare, don't lie to me! Eli came up to me and asked me why you ran out on him? I asked him what he did and he said it was up to YOU to tell me, so spill." She answered as a matter of fact tone. Clare wished so much that Eli would let it go.

Alli POV

What was Clare not telling me! Okay, I will get it out of her eventually. Okay think Alli THINK! What would make Clare run away? What was she most afraid of? Then it hit her.  
"Eli kissed you?"

CLARE POV

"What how did you know this?" how did she know that!

"Clare you have to admit that you're falling for him, I know you're scared, but not everyone is like KC. You have to give him a chance; if you can't take a few heart breaks you will never find true love Clare-bear!" how could she dig deep into me like this? How could she know? "Alli, I am no good for Eli. He deserves someone beautiful, someone who he would never find a better version of. Someone who, who can make him fall for her just as bad, someone who isn't me."

"Clare! He obviously feels the same way! And you are too beautiful! Stop putting yourself down Clare-bear." With that the bell rang.

ALLI POV

I couldn't let her sit there and wallow in pain, I know she doesn't want me to tell Eli what she told me, but how could I not when she wouldn't herself. She loved Eli, and I was almost certain he loved her too.

ELI POV

"Eli! Eli! Hold up!" who was yelling at me? I turned around and saw Clare's friend Alli run up to me.  
"What? Is Clare okay?" what happened?  
"Do you love Clare?" wow she was blunt about it. Did I love Clare? Is that what I am feeling? IT IS!  
"I, yeah! I do. I am in love with Clare." Why did I tell her this?

"Well she is in love with you too. She will never admit it to anyone except me, so with the information I give you I expect my plan to work for not keeping my promise to tell anyone okay?" wait what? What is she saying?

"Clare is afraid of love, she doesn't see herself clearly, she had her heart broken by that KC bastard, and even though it was because he was a shallow loser, she keeps telling herself it was because she isn't good enough for him, she thinks that she isn't pretty enough or loving enough, she told me that you deserve someone like Jenna, who by the way is who KC left her for. So you have to prove to her that she IS beautiful and irreplaceable, and good, and that you love her! But you can't let her know that I told you to do so, she will never believe it, and she would think that you were just under pressure. She doesn't like change, so just draw her out of her comfort zone, tell her how you feel, show her! Make her feel it too!" with that she just walked away like we were making small talk instead of proving my love for her best friend. She was definitely not like Clare, that's for sure.


	7. Clare Drama filled life

_**I loved all the reviews even though they werent alot they were great, i would prefer have good ones than alot of pointless ones, thank you for the idea about the exlamation marks, i dont know why they were there but my computer might be stupid, idk but remeber i love the constructive critism, it improves my writing, and i have to say, i read all of the other ones jsut as much as i right (maybe more) i get my own ideas from theirs they give my inspiration to come up with sinarios. ty much! **_

3RD POV

"Clare, hey what's up" Clare looked up and saw KC, who clearly was talking to her.

"KC what do you want?" KC was startled; she knew he wasn't just randomly being nice.

"Uh well I was kinda hoping we could talk" Clare really did not want to talk to him; she wouldn't try to be nice.

"KC I will not talk to you my life is hell right now and I don't need your drama, go tell it to your girlfriend." He looked surprised. Since when did Clare have a back bone?

"Well I need some advice, about Jenna"

"KC you lost me as a friend when you cheated on my WITH Jenna so just, no!"

"Clare please! I am begging you; I really need your help." Clare wasn't a mean person, she couldn't not help, it wasn't in her nature. "Fine. Talk."

"I was hoping to maybe talk to you in a more private place?" she had a deadly look on her face

"Don't push it, I agreed to talk to you, so talk." He looked uncomfortable.

"Well, I have a problem… Jenna well she's, she's kind of, pregnant." Once he said it he was relieved he got it out.

"KC that is so not my forte, I have no experience with this, you got her pregnant, you deal with it!" she was walking away furiously, when KC grabbed her arm.

"No! Clare, I never even had sex with Jenna, what should I do?" Clare's jaw dropped.

"What, who's is it?" he looked on the floor like if he was embarrassed to say.

"She doesn't know." Clare couldn't help herself he deserved this! He broke her heart, her perfectly pure heart. Clare would have never done this, he left her for someone who did what KC did to Clare, only way more, and more than once.  
"KC I told you she was bad news. I told you she only wanted you because you were with me, you were just part of the game. Did you listen to me? No you did not. I can't help you, I have never been pregnant or with someone who was, you didn't have problems breaking my heart, but out of the goodness of my heart, I really hope you try to help her, and I wish you both the best of luck." With that she walked away.

CLARE POV

I can't stand this! I can't live like everything is normal, I just can't. I have to go talk to Darcy. As I walked home, I saw a hearse in my driveway, but no one was in it. Either HE was in her house, or someone died and happened to call Eli for assistance. The 2nd option sounded most ridiculous. When I walked in the door Eli was on my couch with Darcy, I knew he would go to her, even before he did. Their heads snapped up at me like they were caught doing something they weren't supposed to.

"Eli, why are you talking to my sister?" he looked at me with a emotionless face.

"What are you doing Clare, school isn't even over? Since when do you skip?" She didn't know a lot about the new me. So Eli just smirked. I miss his smirks.  
"well for one thing, I skip school pretty often, for second, he skipped school too, and for three WHY IS HE HERE!" I could see the pain in his eyes. I ran to her room and slammed the door. I couldn't tell them that I skipped English BECAUSE I didn't want to see him, and my only escape was invaded by him as well. The saddest part is I was happy to see him. But I wouldn't bring him down with me.

ELI POV

Clare really looked like she didn't want to see me, but as they say the eyes are the window to the soul. I could see happiness in them when she saw me, but as soon as it registered, sadness filled her eyes. I would swear that she didn't want me anymore, but thanks to Alli I knew she was just afraid.

"Eli, you might want to go, she doesn't look happy to see you." Eli gave her a look "Fine." She raised her hands in defeat. "The last door on the right."

"I know…" probably shouldn't have said that, Clare wasn't allowed to have boys in her room. Darcy game me a look that let me know she caught me. As I walked up to Clare's room I heard sobs coming from her room, I thought of what to say to her, I knew I needed to be there for her. Her life is so miserable, and I was always there for comfort and venting. Now she had her sister, but Darcy had told me she just wallows around in self pity and won't talk to her. Well I'm not Darcy. I am Eli, Clare's Eli. I will get her to listen to me, and we will finally be together. I owe Alli huge.

CLARE POV

"Clare?" I heard from my door through my tears. "DARCY GO AWAY!" I heard a sigh

"Clare, it isn't Darcy, it is Eli, we really need to talk Clare, I won't take no for an answer and I won't let you yell at me through a door, at least yell at me in person that is SO not Clare." I could hear the smirking in her voice. I really did need to talk to Eli, I just hoped he wouldn't cloud my head with his beautiful-ness, I missed him so much. I went in to open my door and I saw his face. As soon as he went to sit on my bed, memories of him still their flashed through my mind, it is crazy to believe it has only been about 3 weeks and my life ahs went from boring Clare Edwards with a few friends that had dramatic lives who vent to me, to hyped up Clare Edwards whose life was extremely stressful and filled with Drama who vents to the guy she loves more than herself, but doesn't deserve him. What had he done to her? My first memory is when he first came here, and we worked on our English essay about Shakespeare, it was one of both our favorite writers. He quoted me Romeo's line and my heart sank to my stomach. The second time was when we were hiding from Alli because she was trying to play hook-up with me and Eli. And many, many more that flew through my mind. Right then my love for Eli- (and my hormones) took over and I ran up to him and started kissing him, when I realized what he was doing I pulled away and cried on his chest for an hour. There was no way I could make this work, could I? I had to let him move on, didn't I? but right there crying onto the boy I love, about the fact that I knew he couldn't love me back, I knew I wasn't good enough, he was better than KC and even KC knew that, why couldn't he just stop teasing me?

ELI POV

"Clare relax; stop crying everything will be okay. Shh, shh. Relax." When she finally stopped crying I remained silent just in case she wasn't finished. But after about 5 minutes and she was still silent I started talking

"Clare, you need to believe me do love you, I really do, so stop worrying about me not loving you back! Okay, you are the most beautiful, best perfect girl for me alright?"

She smiled at me then after she looked really pissed. What was wrong now?

CLARE POV

"Clare you need to believe me I do love you, I really do, so stop worrying about me not loving you back! Okay, you are the most beautiful, best perfect girl for me alright?" I was smiling ear to ear, how did he know the right words to say, I mean the EXACT words to say, wait how would he know? ALLI! I was really mad.

_**I watched a little video fo rthe next episode, i jsut got some ideas from it but with myown twist, oh well it is supposed to be original right?**_


	8. Letting myself down

_**was it good? i really dont know, i thought i would expand my herizons. idk, tell me what you think!**_

CLARE POV

I am going to kill Alli! Here I am thinking Eli really loved me, well Alli has a way of scaring ideas into people's head, he couldn't love me and now I knew that for sure. I was so angry and hurt. I started hyperventilating

"Get. Out." Eli looked at her in confusion?

"What's wrong Clare?" I couldn't breathe, I felt me head pounding in my ears and my heart was hurting, something was seriously wrong, really wrong.

"Clare! Clare can you hear me?" his voice was like a movie with the volume down as background music. My whole body got really hot, and my head was now pounding even more now. I was in serious pain. What was happening to me?

"Clare! DARCY CALL 911!" What? Why was Darcy calling the cops? What was wrong? My question was answered by my mouth screeching in pain. "AHHH" my heart was warning me that is was going to break out of my chest. It felt like someone stabbed it every beat was a pinch of pain.

THE NEXT DAY…

ELI POV

Clare was hurt, my Clare was hurt. They couldn't tell me why because they needed to talk to her first. I couldn't wait for her to wake up because I needed to hear her voice, her angelic beautiful voice. I needed to see her ocean like blue eyes that drew me in from the beginning. I loved Clare and I don't care what people think about it.

DARCY POV

Oh no! Clare had a mental breakdown, but to the extreme. They couldn't tell Eli anything because they didn't know what caused it. Clare, my little baby sister, I am begging god that she is okay.

CLARE POV

Eli… where was he? Where was I? Then I looked at the water. It was beautiful; it has a blue glistening to it, a blue I only see when I look in the mirror. The blue that only exists in my eyes. There were lily pads on the water they were a deep emerald green. The only place I have ever seen it is the eyes of my beloved Eli. Where was he? Why was I in this beautiful place without him?

"Eli?" I called out hoping for an answer.

"Eli this is sooooo not funny!"

"Clare honey, Clare, wake up." It suddenly felt like a brick hit my head and a dagger in my heart. The beautiful blue water dried up in the dirt and the enchanted green lily pads dried up from the sum into an ugly brown. What was happening? I heard an extremely annoying voice with some beeping sound. It was going off and the same time as my heart "_beep, beep, beep_" the noise was too high pitched. Where was I? The green earthy trees started to blur away and turn onto a violent white that blinded my eyes. Just an annoying blinding white. Then the voices started to come in.

"Clare we need you to focus, we have some questions. Clare? Can you hear me? Give me a sign that you hear me." My body stayed absolutely still. It felt like my head was moving a mile a minute but no longer connected to my body. Like I wasn't in control. The violent light suddenly became more of an eye watering yellow as a light I presume flashed into my eyes. I couldn't help but tear up. And then all of a sudden all feeling came back to me.

"Clare? Honey it's Darcy, please Clare answer me."

"Darcy… E-E…" I couldn't make out the name of the person that I really wanted to see in fear that he wouldn't be here. I didn't really remember what happened but I had a feeling nothing great considering I'm in a hospital.

"Clare, do you know why your hear?" who was this voice?

"No, what happened is everyone alright?" as soon as I said that I realized everyone wasn't alright, I wasn't all right.

"Clare you had a mental break down, you will be fine but we need to know why you have been so stressed out lately." I knew the answer to that it started with E and ended with I. get it yet? A 3 letter word for the boy I loved unconditionally?

"Clare the doctors need to know!"

"Its just my life is stressed out right now I just want to go home and relax. I will be alright just let me go." I started to try to rip the cords out of my arms, but a warm arm caught my hand, it was Darcy. "Clare STOP IT!" I felt like I would cry I needed to speak with Alli. It's weird that she is the one that betrayed by trust yet I still feel like I can tell her everything.

"I need to talk to Alli. I can't tell you how anything, I am fine, that's all there is to it. I am just not used to stress." Darcy gave me a disapproving look.

"Clare, you were fine when I was in my… situation, so you must be under a lot of unusual stress, Clare can't you trust me?" I sighed of course I could trust her, she's Darcy, my sister, I have trusted her from day one.

"Darcy, you know I can trust you, it's just that admitting what was wrong feels like not such a good idea. I need to get through it with your help but not the hospitals help."

The doctor looked at Darcy as if they knew something I didn't.  
"Clare, in my professional opinion, if you cant tell us why you had a mental break down, we are going to have to insure that you talk to a professional. Unless you decide to tell us?" I started to cry, my life was flipped upside down. My sobs were cut of by some noise outside of the hospital room.  
"I can't just not talk to her until she decides to tell you, obviously she doesn't trust you! Just let me see her!" I looked at everyone's face. The doctors, the sister, then the door.  
"who is out there?" they looked at each other as if again they were hiding something from me. "Whose OUT THERE!" Darcy looked miserable that she couldn't tell me so she just blurted out the name of the person I wanted to see most. "It's Eli!" she sadi covering her mouth up. The doctor wasn't happy about her telling me "Darcy, if you can't fallow the rules you need to leave." He looked at her disapprovingly.

"Let. Him. In." I had a deadly look on my face, they knew I wasn't playing.

"LET HIM IN!" I screamed. Something was off about me, yet I didn't know what it was. The doctor sighed and gave in. "Let the boy in." Eli came in glaring at the man by the door but once he saw me he forgot anything but me and came and sat down next to me.  
"Clare oh my god! How are you? What's wrong? Why-" I cut him off

"Eli it is just nothing, they think that they can tell me what to do but they can't. I am not going to therapy. I am perfectly fine!" I glared at the doctor. "Who are you anyway? You're not my doctor, I don't even know you, and more importantly you don't know me! Who are you to judge what I need more than myself?" Eli just looked shocked.

"Eli tell them, tell them I am fine." He looked at me with apology in his eyes.  
"Clare why can't you just tell us?" I sighed in defeat.

"Obviously I cant count on anyone, I knew it! I knew that I was right and Alli and Adam were wrong!" they all looked at me questionably. But the only look that counted was of the boy I loved. Eli. He looked at me questionably. "Clare, what are you talking about?" I realized I almost totally embarrassed by what I said. "I- I need to speak with Alli." That's all I said. The doctor thought he wasn't having this. "No, if anyone else comes in, then one will have to leave, he said eyeing Eli. I laughed an angry laugh. He wasn't the only one who would be leaving if Alli came. It is called personal conversation. They looked at me obviously wanting to know why I laughed. "If Alli comes, you are all getting out, even you, doctor who ever." He glared at me. They went to get Alli.

"Clare what is wrong, what so you need?" I sighed and opened my arms out for a hug. She climbed in bed and let me cry on her shoulder. When I finally finished I knew what would make her stay quiet. "Alli, do you remember when you made me promise that I couldn't tell anyone about the Johnny situation, and the sneaking out?" she nodded. "Well I need you to keep a secret okay?" she nodded. "I am in here for a mental break down, they want to know what has been stressing me out, so if I tell you, you have to promise that you won't tell anyone, and oh yeah btw I know you told Eli about my feelings so this is also payback for that." She looked down. "Clare, I can't tell you I wont tell them, because this involves your health. I am sorry, and how did you find out about me telling him." I sighed

"Alli, do you honestly think he just magically fell in love with me, and told me everything that would make me believe him, and then I remembered you would be the only one who knew what was wrong with my emotional problems. Then when I really thought he was truly in love with me, I realized I was right and you and Adam were wrong, you are a very manipulating person. You told him that he loved me and I know he doesn't." Alli looked at me in shock. "This is what caused it- this is why you broke down. Because you really love him! You wore your heart on your sleeve and you thought he just smashed it! Clare, he loves you, yes I did tell him what was wrong but he told ME that he loved you I never told him! Clare you have to believe me!" I looked at her disapproving, "You can't tell them, I am not going to put myself out there and just for time to make him realize his mistake, maybe the one won't be Jenna but it will be someone better than me Alli, so just stop!" by then Alli just left, but on her way out she told me, "Clare I love you, you are my best friend, I wouldn't lie to you, so it is pretty miserable that you can't just try to believe that everyone is not like KC! You have only dated one guy so your point isn't really accurate, just please Clare, if you don't tell them, I will." I couldn't believe this.

Everyone but Eli and Alli came back in. "Clare are you ready to tell us?" Alli's words played back in my head. I knew what I had to do. I had to tell him. "I was afraid that I was being hurt again." I sighed all of a sudden I felt better; the only thing people didn't know was the KC situation. I knew I had to give Eli a chance, if all these people including Eli could believe he loved me I guess it was time I did too.


	9. feelings are out

ELI POV

Clare had told them what happened; they haven't come out to tell me the rest yet. I wish that I could make all her problems go away, I could tell she was miserable. My Clare, the girl I loved lying in a hospital bed, and acting sort of crazy, even if she was crazy I would still be here for her, I need her to know this.

"Eli, Eli Goldsworthy?" I looked up to see a doctor looking person, not the one from the room, but another one. What was wrong with Clare?

"Yea, that's me. Is Clare okay?" I was really curious and concerned.

"Yes, she has told us what brought on this stress, we have to run some tests then she can go home, I recommend that everyone who cares for her just support her and not pressure her or stress her. She will need a day out of school, just so that we make sure she relaxes. But other than that she is fine." That was great, but what kind of tests did they have to run?

"Hey Doc, what tests do you have to run?" I hope it was nothing important.  
"Oh no need to worry, she just needs to get a check up, it would be about that time." Oh that was a relief. I am so happy my Clare is okay.

"So can I go see her?" he looked like he was deep in thought. "Can I?" he snapped back to reality, "Hmm? Oh, no you have to wait, the test she ahs are a little, indecent." Oh, well what kind of test did they do for her? I have never heard of such o a thing. Maybe I am just over reacting, she is probably just fine. I took my seat and waited, and then in an hour Clare and Darcy walked out, I think it's pretty miserable that her parents decided not to show up. Like if they had something better to do than be there for their daughter.

"Hey Clare!" I grabbed her in a bear hug. She giggled and I sat her down.

"So what kinda tests did you have to do?" she looked down as if embarrassed.

"Well when I was 13, I was diagnosed with anxiety, so this was a first, they just had to make sure I was fine." Oh okay. That is okay.

"So do you want me to drive you guys home?" Clare's whole face lit up. "Sure!" then Darcy was going to start to talk. But I cut her off. "Nope, Clare is sitting by me, hit the back seat sister!" she glared at me then huffed off the back of the hearse, she did not look like she was enjoying herself. Ha, ha. She really thought I was going to want to sit next to her over Clare? This girl was funny!

THE NEXT DAY

CLARE POV

I need to talk to Eli, we need to really talk about this relationship deal, I was done talking about my HEALTH, bleh! But me and Eli need to have a one on one conversation. I just really hope it goes well, I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to put up with my crap, yet I still hoped he would.

"Eli, thanks for coming over, how was English?" he looked at me with his beautiful emerald eyes; I couldn't help but remember the lily pads, from my lake. I wish that place really existed. It could be our place.

"It was sooooo boring without you; I had to double the work! See what you're doing to me?" that would have hurt if the smirk that would be plastered in my memories for ever, and the fact that sarcasm broke through more than the words themselves. "Eli, we need to talk, talk about… us." His face became serious again. But not mad. "Okay, let's talk." I quickly ran my ideas of what to say through my head. "Eli I really love you, I mean unconditionally, unrealistically, undoubtedly love you." The hugest smile was on his face. "Clare, I love you so much, more than the air I breathe, more than the sun that lights up your eyes, more than myself, my love for you is so strong I feel like I could fly away by how light my body feels just thinking about you! Yes I know you think Alli planted those thoughts in my head, but I felt them way before she even told what to say to you, I already was going to say them! Clare you just can't understand how much I really NEED you to believe this! My life would be extremely boring and dead, without you. You make me feel like my soul was made just for you. I would do anything and everything in the world for you and all you would need to do is say the word. I will never lie to you about anything, and most importantly, I will never, never, ever in all the days that I live, break your heart." My eyes lit up at his words I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks, right there and then I knew that he loved me and I loved him. I know that the beautiful lily pads stuck in my head are real, they are in the eyes of the boy I love. Elijah Goldsworthy. It was as simple as that. I broke down and kissed him passionately, more than I ever kissed anyone. Then suddenly he was on top of me and we were full blown making out, this was a fun experience.

ELI POV

God Clare, was making out with me, this is the most wonderful moment I have ever had. The way she kissed me was loving, and passionate, yet aggressive, and hungry, I have never seen this sign of her, I really like it. I couldn't help but get into the kiss. I felt the need to be there, the need to be with Clare, I knew we wouldn't go any farther and I respected her decision to do that but just as I was going to get up to leave, she whispered "I love you so much." I nearly took all of me to separate from her. She looked at me with the most beautiful smile on her face; I couldn't help but smile back. Her eyes were like a lake in the beautiful woods that was mellow and soft.

ALLI POV

I am so glad Clare decided to tell the truth I guess that means everything is back to normal, I hope she will forgive me, I really do. She is my best friend I can't stand having her mad at me.

_**I really feel like this sucked, i need some inspiration people thank you!**_


	10. AUTHORS NOTE!

AUTHORS NOTE!  
Should I change this to M…? (If you know what I mean? Ha-ha I don't really know what I should do!


	11. my forgotten discusion

_**I have decided to wait at least one more chapter before going M because, in reality I don't think that Clare would do that right after admitting she loved him, I mean I know I have changed a whole bunch of things but I still don't want to make her easy, I want it to be special, really special, so I was thinking next chapter, give me your ideas TY –J**_

CLARE POV

I really love Eli! I would scream it from the top of a building. But I could only think of one problem with this. PARENTS. His and mine. I didn't know a lot about his family, and my family used to care about me, I mean Darcy is the only one I really knew anymore. Ah, the irony in that, she leaves for 2 years, yet I am closer to her than to my parents that I have never went without one day seeing. Shows how much they care. Maybe they don't deserve to meet him. Darcy knew him, and she is the only one I really feel loves me in this family. I always knew Darcy was their favorite, but when she left, they really let me down. They didn't put up a front in front of me for protection, their precious Darcy wasn't there so it didn't matter what their only child LEFT would think right? I had a lot of friends, but Darcy as my only true family.

"Clare! I am so bored please hurry up!" Eli whined at me, I could practically see the smirk.  
"Eli, I am getting ready for school. Or do you want me to look hideous?" he laughed.  
"Clare, do you really think you could ever be hideous?" he acted like I was really stupid for thinking that.  
"Eli, you are getting annoying, just let me finish. Jeez Eli. I don't rush you when you attempt to look perfect!" he was quiet for a minute, what is he up to. I bent over to pick up my mascara I dropped and when I stood up I nearly had a heart attack, when Eli was standing there looking at me through the mirror.  
"Clare! Are you saying I don't look perfect?" I smiled at his sarcasm,  
"Eli, no one is perfect, gosh!" he glared at me jokingly.  
"Clare you are killing my Ego." He simply said, I turned to look at him. I wrapped my arms around his neck.  
"Want me to make it better?" I asked with an innocent look on his face. He smiled at me with a scheme up his sleeve.  
"Yes, I do in fact, let me show you how you can make it better." He started to drag me to his bed. He pushed me down on the bed lightly, and still had a smirk on his face. I looked at him  
"Eli what are you doing?" a real full blown smile lit his face, and I couldn't help but smile back (as usual).  
"relax, I am not trying to have sex with you! I am shocked you would think so low of me Clare. But I am going to have a little fun before school starts." I had no idea what he was going to do. He laid on the bed next to me. And started to kiss me, a lot. Then when he pulled away he just laid there and held my hand. I was confused to say the least.  
"How is this going to boost your ego?" he smiled. "I am getting there god Clare relax." He still smiled at me, "Tell me you favorite thing about me." Well that was obvious but I wasn't quite sure what he means. "You mean physically or personality wise?" he smiled. "Both, tell me your favorite thing about my extremely good charm, and my tip top personality." He was SO cocky sometimes, yet I still loved it. So my favorite thing.  
"Well I am a sucker for your eyes." He looked at me still sooooo cocky. "And for my personality?" ha! I will have fun with this.  
"I am still trying to figure that one out" I said very sarcastically. He looked down at me with a fake glare. "Ha, Ha. Very funny." He said. "No, really" I absolutely knew my favorite thing about his personality. "Well Eli my favorite thing about your personality is that your so different than anyone ever, and I love how it just completes you." He smiled and kissed me. My phone rang.  
"What the Hel-Heck!" he smirked at me "Oh! Did just almost swear?" I glared at him playfully. "We are late for school mister!" he shrugged his shoulders. Then my phone rang again. It was Alli, I had all but forgotten that it has been 2 days and I still hadn't spoke to her.

"Clare! Thank you, I am sooooo sorry that I did that but it was for your own good Clare Bear!" I smiled she still loved me.  
"Alli, I love you still, don't fret. I forgive you, you were right Alli, I miss you, I am going to show up to school late." I was so happy that everything was okay. I couldn't help but think I was forgetting something. Maybe it'll come to me later.  
"Eli we HAVE to go to school. I have already missed yesterday. Pweeeaaassse!" I said with a puppy dog eyes. And my bottom lip pout. He sighed in defeat.  
"Fine. But only because I care too much about my education." Yea like that was the truth. But I will let him have his pride.  
"Okay Eli, lets go get your daily dose of education." He smirked, he knew I wasn't fooled. When we got to school, KC rushed up to me.  
"KC what do you want?" he looked at me confused.  
"Don't you remember that thing we were talking about?" I really didn't remember, when did we ever talk? OH! Now I remember, the whole Jenna pregnancy.  
" Oh, yea so what did you do about… that?" he looked at me for a minute, probably choosing the right words since no one knew what was going on.  
"Well we are, fixing it, you know taking care of it, making the problem go away. Do you think that is the right thing, I know that I am dragging you into this but I don't know anyone except you to talk to." It was like my boyfriend wasn't RIGHT behind me. But what did he mean take care of it? Make the problem go AWAY? An abortion!  
"KC if you mean, like to end the situation, like terminate, then I think you should consider your possibilities, this is you two's decision but mostly hers, considering you didn't, help, cause it." I chose my words carefully trying not to let anyone know what we were talking about. He looked down, again out of embarrassment.  
"Well that is kinda why were ending it, because we don't know who DID help with this problem. Everyone that needs to know knows. On her side. Because like you said, it doesn't have to do with the people on my side." At first I didn't know what people he meant, but then I realized he meant the parents.  
"Oh, well like I said do what you think is right, I can't say that I know what is right considering I have no experience in this department, but I think that if you stay with her, your PEOPLE, should know too, just in case word gets around, you don't want them finding out from someone else, and you know Degrassi, word travels fast." He sighed. E knew I was right  
"Thanks Clare, and I know what she did was wrong, but I do love her, if I didn't I wouldn't be sticking around." He hugged me, I thought nothing of it but when he walked away, I was ambushed, I had no idea that so many people were watching. UGH! The problems boys bring into my life.

_**I KNOW! you guys are probably like, why are KC and Clare getting along, well i just want to say, i know waht he did was wrong,but i dont think he is that bad of a guy! dont kill me! thank you so much for the reviews next chapter will be hot! (either that one or definitly the one after!) thanx for the support.**_


	12. Hormones

CLARE POV

I swear that every time something good in my life happens, stress just replaces that. I mean it wasn't that bad, but why did so many people care what was happening to KC and Jenna anyway? Oh yeah, I almost forgot, its Degrassi. The only thing I really cared about at this point is getting away from here. I was about to start yelling when principle Simpson came out of the school.  
"Okay everyone clear out! What is this all about?" I sighed as everyone started rambling on about me. Oh great, let's all get Clare in trouble for us being nosey! Mr. Simpson gave me the "What's this about?" look, I sighed and fallowed him to the office. He sat down at his desk and motioned for me to sit in the seat in front of him.  
"Okay Clare, what is going on?" I sighed; it really isn't my place to say. So that is what I told him  
"Mr. Simpson, it really isn't my place to say, I was having a private conversation with another student, and the rest of the school was just being nosey, I would tell you but It honestly has nothing to do with me, okay?" he sighed, he knew I wouldn't lie to him. But I guess Darcy's little incident probably was all but forgotten, so maybe he thought I was playing with him too. I really hope not, because it is not very fair to judge me off of my sister's mistakes.  
"Ms. Edwards, I believe you, but could you at least tell me who this 'conversation' does concern?" I sighed that is the least I could do, they could lie if they wanted to, I am not going to lie, I am just sparing the most details possible.  
"It has to do with KC Guthrie." With that said he told me to go to class. To my surprise Eli was waiting for me outside of the office, I all but forgot he was there. I jumped.  
"Clare, what was that?" I didn't really want to tell him.  
"Oh that is a 'main office' sign." He could tell I didn't really want to talk about it. He wrapped his wrist around my waist.  
"Clare, I get that obviously you don't want to talk about it, but do I have to worry about it in any way, like about leaving me? Or getting yourself hurt?" I sighed, he was worrying now, for no reason because that would never happen.  
" Eli I would never leave you, ever, and as far as my safety, I think that I could be even more safe, you and Adam too." He looked at me confusingly.  
"Well I helped KC, and KC is Fitz's best friend, so I doubt that KC will let him do anything to us." I was really happy about this.  
"So that means no more split lips, you got that? I had to understand with Fitz but now you have no excuse!" he smiled at me and brought me into a warm embrace.

ELI POV

I pulled her into my arms, I smiled down at her then out of nowhere, Clare grabbed by arm and pulled me into a class room. I was in utter shock.  
"Clare, in a class room, I am in shock!" I said it real sarcastically, just in case it offended her.  
"No Eli, I want to tell you about what we were talking about, to be honest I really wasn't going to tell you, but it is killing me!" I stared at her and waited.

"So the other day after I was at my locker, my life was in ruins and KC came up to talk to me, I was so pis-mad already that I just gave him the cold story." I could tell she was sparing the details. It didn't bother me though.  
" I basically told him my life sucked and to leave me the hel-heck alone. Then he insisted I talked to him, so I did, he told me that," I could see it was kinda hard for her to say.  
"That Jenna, his girlfriend, is pregnant." She looked at me to read my expression, I had one eyebrow raised. I couldn't believe it!  
"She didn't even sleep with him, and deep down inside I wanted to laugh at him, because that's what he deserves, but then I realized that was kinda mean and didn't. he asked me what I should do. I told him I couldn't help him, and well you got the rest of that conversation."  
"Oh, well I didn't expect that, but I guess it could have been worse right?" I could tell that she was relieved that she got it off her chest.

CLARE POV

"Well I am glad that I can trust you Eli, because I never thought that I could ever trust anyone as much as I trust you." He smiled and hugged me than kissed me for a while. I told him I had to go home. He drove me home, we made out on the porch not realizing we were being watched until Darcy cleared her throat. I jumped back and blushed.  
"See you later." He said with lustful voice I giggled and was even more embarrassed.  
"Clare we need to talk." I looked at Darcy with curiosity in my eyes.  
"Come on!"

NOONE POV  
they walked into Clare's bedroom, Darcy stopped and smiled at the picture of her and Eli making stupid faces at the camera.  
"Darcy what do you need to talk to me about?" she sighed and sat Clare down on her bed.  
"Clare mom and dad talked to me about this, it was totally embarrassing, so I figured if I talked to you about it, it would be less embarrassing. Clare thought she was right. She didn't ever want to talk to them about sex, ever, but she did have questions.  
"So is there anything you want to ask?" Clare sighed, she knew she had questions, so she gave in.  
" Is it wrong to you know, feel like you want to have sex?" Clare looked really embarrassed. Darcy patted her arm.  
"Yes Clare, I would worry if you didn't, that is why I wanted to talk to you. But if that is your only question, then I guess we are done." Clare was content, she knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to ask Eli for it.

_**eli-gold47: So Clare, what do you want to do tomorrow?**_

**This was perfect, he asked the question she hoped he would.**

_**Clare-e23: I am kinda hoping I could tell you that in person, but I really want to tell you so I guess it will just be on the computer.**_

Eli was shocked, what could she want to do so badly? Only one way to find out.

_**Eli-gold47: so what is it?**_

_**Clare-e23: promise you won't laugh? It is really kinda embarrassing.**_

_**Eli-gold47: Clare I would never make fun of you.**_

_**Clare-e23: I want to do something I never wanted to do before, ever, and I am afraid to yet I still want to, I never had this feeling before! It's so exhilarating!**_

Eli was not quite sure what he meant, what was this? It couldn't mean what he thought It did.

_**Eli-gold47: what are you saying Clare?**_

_**Clare-e23: I want to fully give myself to you…**_

_**Eli-gold47: are you saying what I think you are?**_

_**Clare-e23: yes but I totally understand why you wouldn't want to, sorry just forget it..**_

_**Eli-gold47: No! Clare of course I want to, I just want to make sure that YOU want to, when do you to do this? I really want it to be special. Ya know?**_

_**Clare-e23: I know me too, well I'll see you tomorrow…**_

They both signed off, both exited about tomorrow. They could hardly sleep when, by the time the next day came, they both got really nervous.

THE NEXT DAY aka THE day….

_**did you like it, next chapter for sure M!**_


	13. letting go of it all

_**okay here it goes! i dont know if its good let me know my loverlies!**_

CLARE POV

Today was the day, I hope that Eli still wants to; I mean I love him and he loves me, so what should I wait for? _'Pure hearts wait'_ yea, but I did wait, I waited for someone I love, there is nothing more pure than love right? Oh well I am still ready for this.

"Adam! I need some advice from you." Adam was the perfect person for advice because his thoughts were a boys mind, yet he still had a woman's intuition. This would help me a lot!  
"Yea Clare, what's up?" I smiled as we sat on the bench of Degrassi,  
"Adam, are you like you know, a virgin?" he looked shocked.  
"How is this advice, did Eli put you up to this?" he was joking, so I could laugh.  
"Well it is part of the advice; it would help to know, unless you don't want to tell me." He looked at me sympathetically.  
"Yes, I am a virgin." He simply stated.  
"Well that is perfect! See me and Eli, are maybe going to do something after school, and I wanted to know, do you and Eli, talk about that kinda stuff?" I was blushing from embarrassment. I was sure they did if he asked if Eli set him up about the virginity thing.  
"Well yea, but what is it that you need to know?" he looked uncomfortable talking about sex.  
"I was kinda hoping, that you would know, does Eli want to you know, HAVE sex?" his eyes bugged out of his head.  
"I won't answer that question. I am sorry but if I say yes, you might through yourself at him, when you might not be ready, and if I say no, then you will feel offended like he is rejecting you." I sighed; I guess there where draw backs on his womanly intuition.  
"ADDUUUUMMMM!" I dragged out his name in a wine,  
"No, Clare you can't make me tell you. Not ever."  
"PLEAASSSEEE!" he looked at me with sympathetic eyes.  
"Clare, it is more than just that, me and Eli talk about things, and it isn't my place to tell you." I was disappointed. What if he really didn't want to have sex with me? What if he comes up with some last minute excuse? What if he just said that to make me feel better? Was I not experienced enough for him? I was on the verge of tears.  
"Clare, I cannot believe you, don't cry!" he was right, I couldn't cry, Eli did want this right? Yea he did!

ADAM POV

I couldn't tell her because I knew either way she would do something she regrets, she needs to decide if she is ready based on her own judgment, not on Eli's. Even though he talked about how much he loved her, and would be ready with open arms, yet still respects her ring. It was not my place to say. I texted Eli to warn him.

Clare is trying to ask me if you want to have sex with her man! You need to talk to her!

-Adam

ELI POV

I was still nervous about what Clare wants to do, I mean of course I want to it is just I am not sure if her judgment is clouded. I guess we will have to wait and see. I guess I will call her and act casual, we will do something, and if it happens it happens. _**BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!**_  
A text from Adam. Oh boy, Clare thought I didn't want to! Oh god we have to talk.

Tell her to come by my house so we can hangout I guess we have a lot to talk about, sorry for bringing you into this dude.

-Eli

I hope Clare doesn't take this the wrong way.

NO ONE POV

"Clare, why don't you just go hang out with Eli, he is at his house today." Clare looked at Adam weirdly suspicious  
"Adam! You told him!" Adam looked down ashamed, Clare felt bad.  
"Its okay, Adam, I shouldn't of dragged you into this. Sorry." Adam looked up at Clare,  
"It's okay, I am just that great!" they both started laughing, she got up and started walking to Eli's house she really hoped things were okay. When she showed up Eli was on the porch they made out for about 5 minutes and she pulled away. They walked into his bedroom and lay on his bed.  
"Eli do you want to do this with me?" he looked up at her. She looked like she was sad.  
"Yes Clare, there is nothing I would want to do more! I just want to make sure that your judgment isn't clouded; I don't want you to regret this. I don't want things to be awkward." She looked a lot more hopeful.  
"Nothing, I mean nothing is clouding my judgment. All I want is you." Eli was already kissing her. She could feel the room heat up as they continued to make out, he started kissing down her neck, she let out a small moan, then he continued to keep kissing her until he got to her chest. She was already trying to rip his shirt off. He helped her. As she ran her hands lightly down his stomach he sighed. His pants had a lot of pressure, so he started pulling his pants down fast so he was only wearing his boxers. He reached to her back and unclasped her bra. She pulled her shirt off, he stared at her for a while she blushed, he started licking and nipping at her nipple, she let out a loud moan, he smiled as she pulled her pants off, she could feel his stiffness against her inner thigh. It just turned her on more.  
"Just do it, please!" he groaned and started to thrust into her she moaned in pain, he let it adjust for a couple of minutes, then trusted in and out faster until the both exploaded in ecstasy.

CLARE POV

That was the best experience of my life. I could hardly catch my breath. I looked over to see Eli smirking at me. I blushed. I had no idea what we were supposed to do next. His parents weren't home so we didn't have to hurry up and leave. They wouldn't be back until sometime in a couple of days. I smiled at him, he kissed me. I got up to go take a shower. While I did this I thought about how perfect things were and that I was glad that I did this. I hoped he was as glad, even after what we did I still felt weird being naked in front of him. So I put on some under wear and his t-shirt. I came out he was dressed too, but only in sweats. I smiled over at him. His smile it returns let me know everything was okay, until we heard footsteps outside the door…


	14. Hell of a day!

_**this is my LONGEST chapter ever!**_

_**-J**_

CLARE POV

"Did you hear that?" he jumped off the bed picked up all of our clothes, and we hid out in the bathroom. We heard the bedroom door open,  
"Eli, are you here? We really need to talk." Eli, being smart put me in the tub, with all of the clothes, except what he was wearing, flushed the toilet, and opened the door as little as possible and slipped out.

ELI POV  
I saw my mom sitting on my bed, she had a worried look on her face, but nothing could kill my mood.  
"Eli, honey, your dad wants to talk to you. I know you don't want anything to do with him but I still think you should talk to him. This is your decision, so don't think I am forcing you, but if something ever happens to you, I don't want you to regret not talking to him, okay?" I really did not want to talk to my sperm donor, I mean he was my mom's boyfriend forever, but he was never much of a father, so I just call him a sperm donor. My mom doesn't find it as humorous as I do, but hey she isn't the one feeling neglected by him right?  
"Mom, this might sound wrong, but I don't care what happens to him, because that will not change how I feel. He is already dead to me. So if you don't mind I would like you to leave." By this point I was mad. My mom had no right to just go talk to him, but she was right, she can't make me talk to him, so I won't. I totally forgot about Clare in the bathroom until I heard a bang. I got up, hoping that maybe she dropped something, I found her on the floor with her legs caught in the curtain. She tried to get up before I noticed. I couldn't help but laugh, after I knew she was alright. She gave me a fake glare.  
"Fine then mister no more kisses for you, I think I will just go home." I grabbed her waist and pulled her into a hug and sighed.  
"Clare, you're not going anywhere" I said with a matter of fact tone. She looked at me like 'who do you think you are?'  
"Clare, my mother is down stairs, so until she leaves again, I get to keep you up here all to myself" she tried not to smile, but failed, miserably. We started laughing, until I realized we were getting kind of loud, I shut her up with a kiss. God, how this girl made me feel!

CLARE POV

Once he started kissing me, I couldn't help but get into it, we were in a full make out session, when we heard a car drive away, and of course him, being him, pulled away much too soon. I sighed; he gave me his cocky smirk that I loved so much.  
"Well it looks like you can go now." He said still smiling. I looked at him for a minute.  
"Well what if I don't want to go home, what if I want to stay and play hostage with you?" he smirked, and brought his arms up.  
"Bring on the shackles." He simply stated. I looked at him with fake consideration in my eyes.  
"Now what kind of fun would that be for ME? I thought I was the prisoner? When did this change?"  
"Alright then," he dragged me playfully out to the bed. We started to make out again.  
"Clare, are we getting attached?" I moaned in annoyance, why couldn't we just stop not kissing? He looked at me amused.  
"I think I am reconsidering this prisoner thing, want to switch roles?" looked at me, I gave him my best puppy dog eyes. He gave in with a sigh. I giggles and rolled over so I was on top of him, I started kissing him aggressively he pulled away, I got on his case.  
"Mister I don't know what you think you're doing, YOU are the prisoner now, remember." He looked kind of embarrassed.  
"Clare, I don't want to get too carried away, we both glanced down and sure enough it was there, sticking right up. I laughed at him.  
"Well won't that make this prisoner thing more fun? Last time I checked prisoners are supposed to suffer." His eyes begged me to either stop, or keep going, and to tell you the truth I really didn't mind to keep going! But I didn't want to let him know this yet, might as well take it to my full advantage. i brought my hips down and pressed them against him. He moaned. I kept doing this until I couldn't take it anymore, I started to take off his shirt and once he realized what I was hinting at he nearly ripped it off, then went to my shirt, I took off his pants and mine and then he pulled my panties off. I decided to play with him a little bit.  
"Well, I might just have changed my mind." I said with a sigh. He looked at me really let down but then I just giggled and continued to let him thrust into me, I couldn't believe I just lost my virginity about 2 hours ago, and we were already doing it again, it felt even better this time. He didn't hold back and neither did I, I was a more active participant. I tried to make him thrust harder, he moaned in pleasure and so did I, we skipped all the four play this time, but it lasted longer before the ecstasy bliss feeling took over. I just smiled at him like a nerd.  
"Well I think we should play this game more often." I laughed at him, this time we didn't rush to get up; we just fell asleep into each other's arms. I woke up to see it was still day time, I glanced at the clock it was five o'clock. He was still sleeping. I got up with the sheet around my body, and headed to the bathroom, to take yet another shower, ha-ha I never have to shower so soon after my first one. When I got out he was on his computer in his boxers. I came up and put my arms around him.  
"So, whatcha doing?" he looked up at me, and smiled, not smirked but smiled. It was so beautiful. I smiled back at me. He kissed me again and then got up to go take his shower. I sat down at his computer until I heard my phone ring, I looked at it, it was Alli, of course, and where did she get these intuitions?  
"Hey Alli, what's up?" she screamed, well more like screeched in my ear.  
"You with Eli, aren't you?" I laughed at her, she knew me to well.  
"So what did you guys do?" should I tell her, I mean she told me when she lost her virginity with Johnny, but I wouldn't tell her over the phone, so I told her to meet me at the dot in one hour. When Eli came out of the shower he was already in a new pair of boxers and T-shirt.  
"So, what are we going to do with the rest of our day?" I looked at him and gave him a kiss.  
"Well I am going to go home, get clothes come back here, drop them off, then me and Alli are meeting at the Dot, I guess you could come if you want to?" he smiled at me.  
"So I take it you're going to tell her?" I smiled back at him.  
"Yea, I wasn't sure at first, but she is my BEST friend, she wouldn't tell anyone, I trust her." He didn't seem to mind.  
"Alright well let's hit the road Clare Bear." I grabbed my clothes that I wore over here, considering I was in his clothes, and just in case either of my parents were home, or even Darcy. I wasn't going to tell her, not any time soon. She was definitely about a year or two older than me when she lost her virginity, and even then it wasn't her decision. So telling her might not be a good idea. When I got home I put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that belonged to me, and some flip-flops. I brushed out my hair, and teeth. I put on a little make up. When I got downstairs Darcy was watching T.V. she looked over at me.  
"Where were you all day?" I was kind of paranoid I think but I told her honestly and then quickly went out the door without running, I only simply said, with Eli. I didn't want to say I was at his house in case she jumped to the conclusion. I met Eli back at his car, put my bag in his back seat, and kissed him goodbye.  
"I thought we were going back to my house first?"  
"It is just a waste of gas, you don't need to be dragging me around town, I can walk from here to the dot to your house it is fine."  
"I don't mind driving you places you are my girlfriend, you shouldn't be walking everywhere when you can get a ride." I sighed he is too good.  
"I am not 'walking everywhere' I am walking from here to the dot and from the dot to your house, please relax." He gave in and kissed me goodbye. I walked in the dot and waited for Alli. Spinner came up.  
"What can I get you?" I was still smiling like a fool.  
"Um, just get me whatever." I said it with a obvious bliss in my voice.  
"OH. MY. GOD." Spinner's eyes where wide.  
"What's wrong with you?" his eyes were still wide.  
"Tell me you didn't!" what was he talking about? I didn't what? Then Eli walked in and handed me my sweater,  
"Here you left this in my car" he kissed me real quick.  
"Thank you" I said with the same bliss in my voice. He smirked then turned to leave. But spinner stopped him  
"Oh my god! You did! Little Edwards, YOU DID!" he was still in shock I didn't catch on, but apparently Eli did, because he looked at me with eyes that looked uncomfortable.  
"I am going to go now…" he said as he looked form Spinner to me. And quickly walked away. Spinner got really close to my face.  
"You had sex with him!" he said it like It was an accusation, not a question. My face turned beat red, and apparently that was his answer.  
"Clare Edwards, does Darcy know?" that pushed me over the top, I hated being compared to Darcy, it was obvious that she was perfect, why did everyone have to remind me, plus, being with Eli, wasn't a mistake. So they need to get over it. I will scream it from the top of the world; I am not ashamed for it!  
"That is it! Spinner for one this is seriously NONE of your business! For two, stop comparing me to Darcy, okay? I get it, she is pretty, and I am not, but Eli thinks I am, she is older, and purer just because she didn't lose her virginity on purpose! And for three, I am sooooo not ashamed of what I did! So neither should you be!" he looked stunned at me surprised I said all those things. He sat down and put an arm around me, comforting me, obviously he could tell I was about to cry, not out of sadness, or anger, or even happiness, just because I needed to cry.  
"Clare, I am not judging you, okay? I think you are pretty, and I am not comparing you to Darcy, I am simply asking if she knew because, she could help you with this, talk to you. Alright? Now I am going to bring you a spinwich on the house, one for you and one for Alli, who is probably wondering why I am sitting her like this with you, I am going to go before she gets the wrong idea." I hugged him and let him go.  
"Hey spin?" he looked at me. "Yea?" "Thank you." He smiled.  
"No problem little Edwards."

Just as he walked away Alli came in and sat down next to me.  
"Um what was that?" I couldn't help but laugh because there was so much she had to tell Alli, it felt like they went on vacation and came back with all these memories, even though it was only one day.

ALI POV  
"Alli, well see, me and-"Spinner came by and gave me and Clare food that I didn't order.  
"Um, I didn't order this?" spinner laughed and walked away leaving me with this food, well he will be laughing when I don't pay for this.  
"Well Alli, me and, um Eli, well. I had sex with him…" Clare was looking at me with a worried expression, I personally was shocked. I could not believe that she would do that, I mean I am not judging but I really thought this girl had it in the bag, and by 'it' I mean the waiting till marriage thing, So to ease her worries.  
"Oh MY GOD! Clare I am so happy for you!" I was really happy for her, I am thinking that they will last; he doesn't seem like a bad guy. He is actually quite perfect for her.  
"I know! It was amazing!" she looked so happy, this is so not St. Clare. Ha-ha she is sooooo changing. But I was still confused. Why was spinner all over her? What was that all about?  
"So wait, you had sex with…?" she sighed  
"ELI OF COURSE? Who else would I have sex with Alli?" oh okay thank god! I really hoped it wasn't Spinner.  
"I thought that maybe you meant Spinner." Her face was priceless. I laughed in her face, not trying to be rude but it was so funny!  
"That is one mental image that will scar me for life, thank you Alli." She was being sooooo sarcastic. Eli was definitely rubbing off on her.  
"Sorry, but why was he over here then all over you?" she looked at me for a minute then sighed.  
"Alli, somehow he knew that I had sex with Eli, I guess he knows 'the face' because Eli did too, I was just Clue-less. So then I started going off on him, because he asked me if Darcy knows, and I thought that he was comparing me to her, like usual, so I went off, then I just cried, for absolutely no reason, then he sat here and comforted me." Well that wasn't what I expected. Then I looked and saw Declan walk in the Dot. He waved at us. We spent the rest of the day with him, then Clare got a text from Eli, uh-oh she said she was supposed to go to his house, so we dropped her off in his limo, Eli's face was priceless, I hope Clare can explain this to him. HA! Well then.


	15. Dear JT,

ELI POV

"Bye, prop master Clare" Clare gave him a smile.  
"Bye, Declan" she walked up to me, I could tell that my face showed some kind expression because she looked at me with a questioning look.  
"Eli, are you okay?" she asked me. Was I okay? No! She was with that older boy, a senior, who had a pet name for her, and kissed her, or something. I am referring to that day a couple of months ago at the school.  
"Um, what were you doing with that man?" I made it clear that I thought he was old. She laughed, why was she laughing at a time like this?  
"Eli, you are so cute when you're jealous, man? He is definitely not a man, well I guess, but not really." She looked at me like I was crazy. She came up and wrapped her arms around me; I tried really hard not to be happy. I tried really hard to be mad, I failed however. She looked up at me and smiled.  
"Why does he call you what weird name?" at first she looked confused but then she understood.  
"You mean 'prop Master Clare'?" I nodded.  
"Well, when he was the director of the school play, musical thingy, I was the prop director, so the nick name sorta stuck."I couldn't help but still be jealous.  
"Did you go out with him?" She started laughing so hard, I was starting to wonder about her mental stability.  
"Me and Declan? HA! Definitely not, Holly J made that certain!" I looked at her curiously.  
"What do you mean Holly J made that certain?" She stopped laughing, then and looked embarrassed.  
"Well last year, I had this huge crush on him, and I wrote this Vampire fanfiction about him, I don't know why I liked him it still embarrasses me and he knows it, we were looking at my props and suddenly I had an urge to kiss his neck. Then he reminds me about it all the time, knowing I will be embarrassed. He always says 'you are the best kisser' or something along those lines." I was kinda relived but what crush?  
"Do you still like him?" she laughed again.  
"Eli, why would I still like him when I have you?" At that moment I felt a lot better.  
"Not that you need any more of an ego boost." I smirked at her, and then pulled her into a kiss. She deepened the kiss and then I picked her up and brought her up stairs. My mom was not home yet, so this time I locked my door. I didn't expect to do anything, considering we had already done it two amazing times today, so I just let her fall asleep in my arms. The things this girl does to me.

CLARE POV

When we got upstairs, I felt so tired. Even after I practically slept all day. I thought it was cute how he was jealous over Declan, I love him too much.

MONDAY SCHOOL.

CLARE POV

Ms. Dawes walked in the class room and eyed me and Eli suspiciously, what was she up to?  
"Okay class, today we are starting an assignment that I have never done with any of my classes, it is a good exercise for the emotions. What we are going to do is write a letter to someone you love, it doesn't have to be family. It can be anyone, but they will never read this letter. The only people who will read this letter is me and you, unless someone else reads it with your permission, except for the person you right it to, they can't ever read it! I am going to give you the rest of the Class to think about this. You will be graded on creativity and true meaning behind this assignment; this won't have anything to do with Grammar or vocabulary. Have at it!" I knew automatically who I am going to write about. It was not my mom, or my dad, or my sister, or even Eli. No, it is JT Yorke. I know that your thinking that that doesn't make sense, but truly it does, no one really knew it but me and JT were really close, he was my best friend, and I his. No one ever knew about this ever. And since this letter is so private no one will. Ever. When I get home I will begin my letter.

ELI POV

When Ms. Dawes said this I looked over at Clare, she was deep in thought and had a sad look on her face, I wondered what was up?  
"Hey Clare, you okay?" she snapped her head up, finally out of her thoughts.  
"Um, yea I'm fine." I knew she wasn't totally fine, but I will let her tell me on her own time.

CLARE POV

_**Dear JT,**_

_**I don't really know what to say in this letter, I just have a feeling that it should be for you. I have really missed you, at first when you died, I couldn't even cry in front of anyone because no one even knew that I knew you. Not even my sister, no one. I felt so angry and alone. It was wrong of me to be mad at you, but I was. I was furious. You are the only reason I was ever excited about going to Degrassi. You told me that great things happen here. I still thought that I should go even after you passed away. I know that you would grow to be happy that Degrassi and Lake Hurst, have become one school, it doesn't feel awkward anymore. When I saw that my best friend was with the guy who saw you last before you were alive, it took everything I had to not say anything, I knew he felt guilty, I mean he didn't stab you, but he was there. I really miss those conversations we used to have; I could really use your help now. I am with this amazing guy, totally perfect. What is the next step in our relationship? I was with this other guy; let's just say blonde cheerleaders are not on my list of friends. I just hope that the same thing doesn't happen with who I'm with now, look at me I am sitting here crying, I am CRYING JT! I am in need of your expertise help. I mean not that you were really good with this yourself. You always told me to fallow my heart, I will never tell anyone this, but I was so afraid to love him, then I remembered how you told me that you still loved liberty, I remember that you were afraid. I then remembered that you died before you ever got to fix things with her, it made me realize that I need to just get over my fear and tell him. But just between me and you, I am still afraid, I mean I totally trust him, but I trusted the other guy too. I even trusted the cheerleader. I have gone way deeper with my guy now than with the other one though. I believe him when he says that nothing can break us apart, but what happens if someone or something does? I know I shouldn't fret these things and just live life, but how can I when if he leaves, I will have absolutely nothing! No one would understand except for you JT, I really miss you! I know I have said this over and over. I really regret not going to your memorial site. I think that is where I will leave this letter. This was supposed to be my English assignment, but it's not, I can't turn this in. I remember those times that you told me that I was wayyy to mature for my own good. I trusted you most because you made me feel better about myself. You treated me like I was a peer instead of a little sister, or nieve friend. You told me that I was the smartest person you've ever met, well you should see me now! Okay I guess this letter is getting long, there is so much more that I can tell you! I just don't seem to be able to get the words out. **_

_**With love,  
C.**_

I read the letter again to myself, I cried myself to sleep that night. But I couldn't help but miss him. the next day I walked over to the memorial site an hour before school and weighed it down with a rose on his picture. This is worth the failing grade.


	16. Secrets

_**thank you so much... ilooveelijahgoldsworthy, for helping me with my chapter problem!**_

CLARE POV

"Ms. Edwards, where is your assignment?" I sighed I couldn't turn it in. Never would I be able to let anybody read what I wrote on that paper.  
"I lost it, sorry" I left it at that; I really didn't care if I failed it. It was her fault for assigning that to me.  
"Ms. Edwards, without it you will receive a zero." I shrugged my shoulders and gave her a look that said I flat out didn't care.  
"Well I am quite disappointed." I just ignored her. Eli turned around I could feel his eyes on me but I didn't look at him. I was having belated grieving. But he wouldn't know that. When the bell rang I half ran outside of the class room, to face Alli, she had a sorta sad expression on her face.  
"Alli, what's wrong?" she looked at me. Just looked and walked away.  
"Alli, what's wrong?" I repeated this time she had a tear in her eye.  
"You know that boy, JT Yorke" oh no what was going on with JT?  
"Yea, what about him?" she sighed.  
"There are having a little service after school, they wanted to bring something to our attention." What could this be about?  
"Well are you going?" she had the normal glow to her again.  
"Sav won't go! So no I can't unless someone goes with me!" I smiled at her.  
"I will be more than happy to go with you!" she smiled and hugged me really tight. I couldn't wait to be close to JT again. My happiness was interrupted when Alli left me and Eli came up to me.  
"Clare I thought you told me you did that assignment?" I sighed I really couldn't tell him!  
"I did, didn't you hear me tell the teacher I lost it?" and with that I walked away.

ELI POV

What was up with Clare, she always turned in her work and ALWAYS cared about the teachers opinion. I guess I will give her some space, but I really want her to tell me what's going on.

AFTER SCHOOL: JT ASSEMBLY  
CLARE POV

Mr. Simpson walked up to the podium with a small piece of paper in his hand.  
"Okay, everyone here is aware of what occurred with JT Yorke." He waited while everyone nodded. I felt a tear slip down my cheek already.  
"Okay, I am glad to hear his spirit has not been forgotten, however we found this letter, by his memorial this morning. We would like to read it and if whoever wrote it would like to own up after I finish reading then I wouldn't mind silently if you silently came up here to own up." Oh, my god! That is MY letter! I couldn't let people know it was me, what would they think.

_**Dear JT,**_

_**I don't really know what to say in this letter, I just have a feeling that it should be for you. I have really missed you, at first when you died, I couldn't even cry in front of anyone because no one even knew that I knew you. Not even my sister, no one. I felt so angry and alone. It was wrong of me to be mad at you, but I was. I was furious. You are the only reason I was ever excited about going to Degrassi. You told me that great things happen here. I still thought that I should go even after you passed away. I know that you would grow to be happy that Degrassi and Lake Hurst, have become one school, it doesn't feel awkward anymore. When I saw that my best friend was with the guy who saw you last before you were alive, it took everything I had to not say anything, I knew he felt guilty, I mean he didn't stab you, but he was there. I really miss those conversations we used to have; I could really use your help now. I am with this amazing guy, totally perfect. What is the next step in our relationship? I was with this other guy; let's just say blonde cheerleaders are not on my list of friends. I just hope that the same thing doesn't happen with who I'm with now, look at me I am sitting here crying, I am CRYING JT! I am in need of your expertise help. I mean not that you were really good with this yourself. You always told me to fallow my heart, I will never tell anyone this, but I was so afraid to love him, then I remembered how you told me that you still loved liberty, I remember that you were afraid. I then remembered that you died before you ever got to fix things with her, it made me realize that I need to just get over my fear and tell him. But just between me and you, I am still afraid, I mean I totally trust him, but I trusted the other guy too. I even trusted the cheerleader. I have gone way deeper with my guy now than with the other one though. I believe him when he says that nothing can break us apart, but what happens if someone or something does? I know I shouldn't fret these things and just live life, but how can I when if he leaves, I will have absolutely nothing! No one would understand except for you JT, I really miss you! I know I have said this over and over. I really regret not going to your memorial site. I think that is where I will leave this letter. This was supposed to be my English assignment, but it's not, I can't turn this in. I remember those times that you told me that I was wayyy to mature for my own good. I trusted you most because you made me feel better about myself. You treated me like I was a peer instead of a little sister, or nieve friend. You told me that I was the smartest person you've ever met; well you should see me now! Okay I guess this letter is getting long, there is so much more that I can tell you! I just don't seem to be able to get the words out. **_

_**With love,  
C.**_

I was crying by the time the principle finished reading my letter, I ran out of there before anyone could say anything, anyone who knew me was sure enough able to put the pieces together. I would never come out and say it.

ALI POV

"Wow, wasn't that letter brilliant Clare?" I turned to see Clare running out of the room, what was wrong with her. I look at Eli, who was with Adam in the front he has this weird look on his face, what was up with them, he didn't even know JT, and as far as I am aware, neither did Clare- oh no! It was Clare's letter! Oh my god! Eli just turned to where Clare had been standing then his expression became worried as he rushed out of the school too. Oh my god, I am the best friend of the Lake Hurst guy, the one that say JT being stabbed! Oh my, how did Clare never tell me about any of this?

ELI POV

As I listened to the letter, I realized some awkward coincidences between this person and Clare, by the end of the letter I was convinced that it was Clare's the fact like the English assignment, our relationship. Is this really how she feels? Like I could just walk out on her? I need to prove her wrong, yet I still wasn't sure how to bring it up in a conversation, she might deny it. I look back to where she was and she's gone, and Alli is standing there looking dumbfounded. At that moment I knew I needed to find her, to reassure her. I hoped no one else knew it was Clare, except you could tell by the expression on Alli's face that she knew too.

CLARE POV

I cannot believe that they would release this kind of personal information, how could they? WHY would they? Is it their ultimate goal to embarrass me in front if the who school? Is it their job to read that? It was obviously personal, there was extremely private things in that letter, things that didn't need to be read to the whole student body of Degrassi, never ever would this blow over. I am in the woods behind the school, I honestly don't know what to do anymore, and did anyone know it was me? I really hope not, but how could I play it off, how could I act normal, how could I? I just need to, like go somewhere or something. I guess I could stay where I am, no one would be able to find me, so I just sat there and cried, for at least an hour before I felt to hands grab me gently from behind and lifting me off the ground. I started to freak out, but then I realized who it was, the one person I really didn't want to talk to right now, but obviously had no choice.


	17. Lovely Letters, Lovely Loving

CLARE POV

I was still crying into Eli, I hope he understands where I am coming from, I want him to know that he was never even supposed to hear any of those things, no one was. I hope that he still wants me when this conversation is over.  
"Clare, stop crying and tell me what's wrong" Eli had a confused look in his eyes. I hated to have to say this to him, when I wrote the letter it was for personal reasons, not public. I didn't write the letter for people to hear it. I wrote the letter for myself, for some closure.  
"Clare Bear relax, it's going to be okay, I promise." I felt so sad right now.  
"Eli, you will hate me, nothing will be alright!" he looked at me, still confused.  
"Clare. I, Elijah Goldsworthy, of the eleventh grade, of Degrassi Community School, Could NEVER EVER hate you! Okay? Never! Just tell me what's wrong, please." He looked pained now.  
"I, well I wrote that letter." I said it in all most a whisper, and then looked down, I couldn't look at his eyes, and I couldn't look at his face.  
"Clare, why would I care about that letter? They are your personal feelings; I understand how you are feeling! Do you think I don't worry about that from time to time? I do! I sometimes hear people talking about how beautiful you are, and I dream that you will never realize that you could have someone better. It's human nature." Now I was confused.  
"Wait, you think_** I**_ am too good for _**YOU**_?" I looked at him like he was stupid. He just nodded.  
"Elijah Goldsworthy, of the eleventh grade, of Degrassi Community School, could never lose me unless _**HE**_ left _**ME**_" he smiled at that; I couldn't believe that he still has this effect on me!  
"So, look at you! You always do this to me! Whenever I want to wallow in self-pity, you always come in and make me feel all better, you must be a miracle, **ELIJAH**!" he smiled a genuine smile. "I am not the only one" then he leaned in and kissed me.

* * *

THE NEXT DAY*  
CLARE POV

"Clare, what happened to you yesterday?" oh, no I wrote about Alli in my letter too, did she know?  
"Hey Alli, well I had something to do with Eli, you know so…" she gave me the 'yeah right' look.  
"I saw you run away, and then Eli was STILL THERE! Why can't you just tell me what happened?" I know I should tell her so I will sit her down and tell her, I hope she is as understanding as Eli, but then again, no one is like Eli, no one.  
"Alli, sit down. I will tell you." She sat down and looked at me with a waiting expression,  
"So, that letter that they read, well I kinda wrote it" she just nodded. "I know." See she was understand- wait! What? She knew?  
"Wait Alli, how did you know?" she smiled at me, you talked about me in your letter Clare. I was just hoping that you trusted me enough to tell me, and you do!" she giggled hugged me and ran off, as if we just had a normal boy talk. Sometimes she makes me wonder. Yet I still love her.

* * *

ELI POV

I put my hands over Clare's eyes, from behind.  
"Guess who?" I said in a singsong voice. She stayed silent for a minute.  
"OH, is it Fitz? I have been waiting for you all day!" she laughed, that was so not funny, AT all, but I knew she was joking by how much my sarcasm was rubbing off on her.  
"Ha-ha very funny," I turned her around and kissed her  
"Would Fitz do that?" She smiled  
"I hope not, because then I couldn't do this" she leaned in and kissed me even more than usual. I couldn't help but smile into the kiss, she never showed this much PDA before. I wonder what's with her.  
"Clare, are you alright?" she just smiled at me…?  
"Yes, I am just as happy as I ever have been in a long time. What about you?" I smiled brightly at her, with as much emotion as ever, I swear with this girl, I smile too much, my cheek muscles start to have an ache, but it feels good.  
"I am alright, but I have something for you. Ms. Dawes said that we couldn't share our letters with the person we wrote them for, but since your letter was shared with the whole school, my letter can be shared with you, but don't read it until you are home and relaxed, okay?" she nodded. I handed her my letter, she put it in her locker and kissed me so passionately again. I could get used to this.

LATER THAT NIGHT*  
CLARE POV

I was really anxious to read Eli's letter, I wonder what he wrote?

_

* * *

_

Dear Clare,

_You're the only person I have ever loved as much as I do, I have never experienced pure bliss, like I do when I am with you, every time I see your eyes it's like seeing the ocean for the first time during sunset, on a hot day. My heart warms up at the sound of your voice, and rips out of my chest. When I fall asleep you're the first thing in my dreams, and when I wake up, I live my dreams out when you kiss me. I hope your getting the message, because you ARE in the gifted program after all, but I will say it anyways. Clare Edwards, the owner of my heart soul, and sanity, I am madly, unconditionally, irrevocably, inevitably in love with you. _

_Love,  
Eli_

* * *

That was the sweetest most beautiful thing I have ever read, I love him more than he knows, I think I love him too much. There are tears in my eyes of pure happiness, for the first time in a long time. I am at my happy peak and I can only thank one person for that.  
Elijah Goldsworthy.

* * *

_**So guys! what do you think? should I:**_  
_**A) Continue this story**_  
_**B) Start a new one**_  
_**C) stop all together**_


	18. Goldworthy Charm

_**OKAY SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE, I HAVE DECIDED THAT I AM GOING TO A. CONTINUE THIS ONE, AND B. START AND NEW ONE LOOK IT UP, IT WILL BE UP AS SOON AS THIS ONE IS!**_

**ELI POV**

I really hope that Clare likes my letter, I practically poured my heart into it, but knowing Clare it could suck and she would tell me it was the most beautiful thing she ever read. I laughed to myself that is sooooo Clare. Like a child's picture that just scribble, Clare would frame it, just to make them feel good. That is one of the many reasons why I love her. RINGGGGG! Clare texted me

**Eli, come pick me up I have something to say to you…**

Oh no, what happened, I better go pick her up, maybe her parents had another fight, I can't stand that she is in that mess every day. Okay I am almost at her house.  
When I got there Clare was on her porch, expressionless, was she okay? But as soon as she saw me her face lit up with a smile. She had tears in her eyes. Oh no.  
"ELI THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!" she ran up in my arms and started kissing me passionately, I guess she really liked my letter. Ha!

CLARE POV  
I wanted Eli more than ever, I wanted to just be with him again, it wasn't like we never did it before.  
"Eli, let's go to your house, I want to be alone with you." I hope he got the hint, it was still embarrassing to say out loud. He obviously got the message because he got red out of embarrassment.  
"Clare, if this is what you want after I right you a letter basically telling you what I feel every day, then we should write letters every day, but unfortunately my parents and brothers are home, so we wouldn't be alone, but you can still come over if you'd like" I have never met his family, like ever. Not once.  
"Uh Eli, I have never met your parents." He smirked at me. Lovely, lovely smirk.  
"I know that is why you should come over, sometimes you make me wonder" I smiled  
"So you really want me to meet your family?" he stopped smirking and smiled like a fool.  
"Of course, I would LOVE you to meet my family Clare, I love you too much, they practically beg me every time I walk in the door to invite you over, of course they don't know that when they leave you come over, so I think we should keep that to ourselves." I laughed.  
"Why would I tell them that Eli? I am sooooo not that stupid. But you don't want me to meet them." I said it as a statement more than a question. He looked confused.  
"Why would you think that? Of course I want you to meet them."  
"Well you just said that they always ask to meet me yet NOW you're asking me?"  
"Clare, I was just trying to make it easy for you, I have been contemplating when ii should ask you, but my Eli charm plus a lot of Clare love has made my mind up, so let's go."  
"HA!" he looked at me as I laughed un amused.  
"We can't just show up! I am not ready you have to let me get ready, I don't want them thinking I just lounge around in these clothes on special occasions, jeez Eli." He looked extremely amused at my reaction.  
"Clare you look perfect, I want them to see you how I do, perfect, so just keep what you have on now, trust me it doesn't matter what you wear, my mom will love you. My dad and brothers too, just relax."

As we were driving to Eli's residence, I felt my nerves twist my stomach muscles, I had the kind of stomach ache you get when you pull all nighters then go to sleep for like 3 hours and you have that feeling like you're just going to barf, but you can't and it still hurts, yet you're not tired. Well when we pulled up to Eli's house I felt my head start to pound I had to remember that is wasn't that bad, that did the trick, I realized there was only one reason for them not liking me and Eli swears that it's not the case.  
Not being good enough for him.

"Mom, this is Clare, my girlfriend." She smiled beautifully, it was the same smile that Eli blessed me with on rare occasions, he usually granted me with smirks, which I still loved. She had green eyes like Eli as well but she had light brown hair and it was pin straight, she was gorgeous.  
"Hi, it's lovely to meet you Clare, we have been dying to meet you." She continued to smile at me.  
"I am glad to meet you too Mrs. Goldsworthy." I smiled back at her. A man with Eli's Hair and blue eyes walked up to me and shook my hand. He had Eli's eye shape but not the color. "It's nice to meet you," with that he walked away to the game. I was worried. Does he like me? Obviously Eli sensed this because he whispered in my ear  
"Don't worry, I am surprised he even did that, when the game is on he's not here," I smiled, relieved. Some boy who looked like Eli, more so than his family, walked out, I was surprised, he had the same exact eyes as him, and the hair, but the rest was totally different, obviously he could never be Eli, especially since his hair and clothing was totally opposite, yes his hair was the same color but in a different style.  
"Hey, I'm Ethan, Eli's brother." I assumed he was a year or 2 older than him since he didn't go to our school.  
"Hi, I am Clare." I smiled at him he just did the smirk; I could tell he tried to pull it off like Eli, but failed juristically. Another boy walked out and shook my hand as well. He was like 5, he was so cute, like a miniature Eli, same style and color as Eli's and same eyes and nose, he even had the smile.  
"You are Clare, right?" I nodded he smiled the Eli smile again, I couldn't help but smile at it.  
"I am Caleb, Eli talks about you way too much, tell him to stop; I think I know more about you than I want too. No offense." I couldn't help but still smile. Eli was obviously embarrassed.  
"Caleb stop, go watch cartoons or something." I smiled at him; he did the smirk that only he could pull off. I smiled at him.  
"Well Clare and I are going to go to my room, okay?" his mom smiled and nodded. I was surprised she didn't protest.

Once we were in his room I couldn't help but gush about how wonderful his family was.  
"Your little brother is too cute! He looks JUST like you, like a miniature version. He even smiled just like you, how you can not smile at him!" he looked at me shocked.  
"Well Clare, if you want to go hang out with him, he might even share his animal crackers, and try to steal my girlfriend, but if you'd prefer your more than welcome." I jokingly glared at him.  
"Why would I want to go with someone who LOOKS like you, when I have the official real version RIGHT here. "he smiled and came over to kiss me, I kissed him back with full force.  
"Plus no offense but I would not ever kiss your brother, for 1, eww for 2 that would make me a pedophile." He started laughing, I joined in. I loved our sense of humor.

He started kissing me again we made out until I felt 'little Eli' on my thigh, I pulled away no matter how much I wanted to do this, which I really did, there was no way I would with his whole family down the hall, sorry not a turn on.  
"Eli, not now, someone could walk in on us, remember that was the whole reason why you said no in the first place?" he sighed went over and locked his door,  
"Better?" normally I would not have excepted this, but my mind wasn't talking right now, my body is.  
"You know, you are lucky, that I can't think clearly in this mood." He smirked and came over to me again, 'little Eli' was still out to play. This time I didn't protest, I just let it ride. I woke up naked on Eli's naked chest, again. I smiled up at him. It was like 2 o'clock in the morning. I sighed and was this close to falling back asleep until I heard a quiet knock on the door,  
"Elllliiiii, I had a bad dream can I please come sleep with youuuuuuu" he sounded on the verge of tears, Eli was acting like he didn't hear him, I got up and threw Eli's clothes on him, I got dressed quickly, and smacked Eli's shoulder  
"Eli hurry up and get dressed, NOW" I whisper yelled at him.  
"Clare, why? He'll get over it." I glared at him  
"I am not letting him think anything is up, I get he's like 5 but what if he goes to tell your parents that we won't answer the door, and that its locked." That seemed to work because he rushed up and got dressed, he went to open the door.  
"Eli, I had a bad dream, can I sleep in here with you?" he looked at Eli with pleading eyes, how could he not get passed the eyes? Eli had the same ones they worked on me whenever he used them, so those littler version ones did too.  
"Fine, come in." he didn't look pleased.  
"I'll just sleep on the floor" Eli started to protest.  
"No, he can sleep on the floor, you are the guest"  
"Eli, this is HIS house not mine." His brother yawned and rubbed those mini Eli eyes  
"It's okay, we can all fit, I am tiny!" I started to laugh, he was too cute. Obviously the Goldsworthy's were immune to the Goldsworthy charm. I ended up sleeping in the middle because Caleb said that he was afraid to sleep in the middle, and that Eli couldn't either because he said so. He was more demanding than Eli, I am guessing that maybe his charm was more like the 'Caleb' charm, and his family wasn't immune, just Eli was. I woke up at 6 a.m. with Eli's arm around me, Eli and I were pretty much pushed off to the side as much as possible, because Caleb was spread out across half the bed. His brother went down stairs and Eli and I went back to sleep until 10 am. My parents were probably worried. When we walked down stairs his older brother made a comment that made me blush like mad.  
"So, you guys must have been real busy last night to sleep in so late, that even mom and dad considered walking up there but was afraid of what they might see." Eli just smirked, while I blushed and we walked out of the house. That night was perfect.

_**I AM HAVING A FEW IDEAS OF WHAT THE NEXT CONFLICT WILL BE**_

_**A. PREGNANCY**_  
_**B. RAPE**_  
_**C. OTHER IDEAS**_  
_** let me know please!**_


	19. God's True ugly self

_**SO guys, I have decided to do C, I really liked some ideas, I agree totally with being more original about it!**_

ELI POV

Clare slept over my house last night, it was amazing, up until my little brother ruined it, and Clare fell for it. My older brother was wayyy nicer to Clare then I would have imagined, my dad too, life was perfect, or so I thought.

1 month later…

CLARE POV

I was on my way to Eli's house to surprise him; his parents were out on meetings. The only thing that stopped me was when I went into Eli's house; I saw something I will never forget.  
Eli's mom… having an affair, on the couch. Why would she do this? Wasn't her family perfect? She had a beautiful family, with 3 beautiful children, why would she ruin it the way my father ruined mine? That was until I recognized the man she was having an affair with, was my dad.

"Mrs. Goldsworthy? DAD!" they jumped and rushed to cover their selves up, but I ran out the door to the park. What was wrong with me being happy? What was wrong with me and Eli just being happy? My life went to hell and I am dragging Eli down with me. My life was already horrible, but then when God saw that Eli was fixing my mental stability, broken heart, and loneliness, God couldn't stand it, and decided that Eli should be punished for being there for me. I was like God's pet peeve, the one thing on Earth he couldn't remove cautiously, so he decided to have fun with me. He decided that I didn't count, so if God could believe this, I should too. I was crying my eyes out to the point where I couldn't hear anything that was going on outside of my body, nothing could snap me out of my trance, until I felt too familiar perfect arms wrap around me and pull me onto their lap. Why couldn't Eli just let me wallow in my own sorrow? Why did he have to be so… so, Eli! There is no other feeling in the world that could compare to being with Eli, he was so loving, he was the reason God felt the need to destroy us. He was pure goodness, while I was god's toy.  
"Clare, what is the matter? Clare tell me please!" I looked into his sad eyes, begging me to tell him what was wrong, It was just so hard to say.  
"Eli, you have to believe me when I tell you, that you honestly don't want to know, yoy should just leave me alone forever." I killed me inside to say this to him, but it was the only way to make his life better, the only way to make sure God would leave him alone. I now understood why Lucifer trailed off the path of God, he didn't want to be his toy, he didn't want to live under those rules that God knew best, he didn't want to have to fallow such horrid behavior. That is why I have to save Eli. Just the pain in his eyes was too much for me to bare.  
"Clare, what are you talking about why should I leave you alone? What is wrong what did I do?" I couldn't let him believe that his life was in hell because of him.  
"Eli, you have to really honestly truly believe me when I say, I am not good for you, I am practically taking you down with me. It is not fair for you to have to deal with such a, bad life just for being with me!" he still looked confused.  
"Clare you are what makes me good, you make me complete. You!"  
"Eli, when I tell you this you wont even want to talk to me ever again." He looked at me waiting.  
"Well I was going to surprise you by showing up at your house, right? But when I went in, you obviously weren't there because, because your mother was…" I started crying again.  
"What? I thought she was in a meeting?"  
"No Eli your mom, was… she was sleeping with my father!" his face looked horrified. I got up to walk away that did it, that made him want to forget me, made him want to never speak to me again, I still half expected him to fallow me and tell me everything was okay, but I knew it wasn't, I knew he wouldn't.  
LATER THAT NIGHT  
CLARE POV

I was still in tears, my dad didn't come home, that only made me angrier, my mom was so naïve she said that he was working late, yea working on Mrs. Goldsworthy. I found a pocket knife that was Darcy's because I knew I didn't have one. I took it out and immediately cut a small cut on my forearm. I let the blood drip a line of blood down my arm and onto my pants. I just sat there until it stopped bleeding, it wasn't very deep but it bled a lot, I started feeling light headed, but then it stopped and I fell asleep on the floor. I woke up the next morning still on the floor, practically lying in my blood. It was smeared on my arm and clothes. I needed a shower. I quickly took off my clothes and threw them in the back of my closet. I never wanted to see them again, I tried to scrub away the bad memories of yesterday off, but when I finally realized it would never happen, I just ran out of the shower grabbed a towel and sat on my bathroom floor and stayed frozen in time replaying last week when Eli came over my house when my parents were out, when his body touched mine, it was the most recent time, but what I didn't know is that it would be our last. I just replayed our whole life that we would have had in my head, I really didn't care that I was missing school or that my parents were fighting, or that the reason I was miserable, and depressed was because my father was a piece of worthless crap. Eli probably will never talk to me again was what made me cry last night, but playing my life in my head with me and Eli, made my head shut down, it made me not care what happened next I swear I sat on that bathroom floor for at least 3 hours before my mom walked in on me, just laying there on the floor naked and dry, the shower still running, my arm had a thick pink scratch on my arm, and I didn't even register that she brought me to a hospital. It didn't even register that no matter who it was the only person I could think about was Eli, the only person that MATTERED was Eli. Yet I knew I would never have him again.

_**DON'T WORRY MY PEOPLE, I WOULD NEVER END IT LIKE THIS!  
PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK?**_


	20. Fantasies

ELI POV

I couldn't believe it! Why did Clare walk away? I could never blame her for this! Yet I couldn't make myself go after her, I was still trying to process the information. Why would my mom do such a thing? Why would Clare's dad do something so… horrible. And Clare blames herself. I need to talk to her, after I talk to my family. As I walked home, I saw my mom looking flustered in the kitchen mumbling something to herself, it killed me inside knowing what she is doing to our family.  
"Mom, how could you sleep with Clare's dad?" she jumped when she realized I was in the house.  
"Oh what are you talking about? What has Clare told you?" I hope she doesn't try to tell me that Clare was lying, Clare doesn't lie.  
"No! Don't try to tell me that you weren't doing that, why in the world would Clare make that up? I found her crying her eyes out mom! She was definitely serious, but why would you do this to me, to our family, to Clare's family? Can't you let her catch a break? Let her relax and enjoy life, then she has to have even more problems!"  
I was cut off by my cell phone ringing.  
"Hello, Clare?"  
"No, this is Clare's mom, Clare is in the hospital, something is definitely wrong with her but she won't talk to anyone, do you have any idea what this is about, I am sooooo scared right now for her! Please you have to come try to help!"  
"I am on my way" as I hung up my phone I looked over at my mom  
"She is in the hospital, do you see what you did?"  
"Eli, I am so sorry-"  
"Don't try to pull that on me, you are just sorry that you got caught! Just leave me alone, I have to go!"

THE HOSPITAL*  
CLARE POV

"Clare, honey, Eli is on his way, okay?"I couldn't comprehend why he was coming, what happened? So I had to speak for the first time in 2 days  
"NO, he isn't coming! Don't lie to me?" I yelled at her in disgust why would she try to tell me that? Didn't she know that he was all I could ever want right now? Why would she lie to me like this.  
"I have to go to the bathroom" I ran to the bathroom, and grabbed the same pocket knife out of my pocket.  
"This is for the lies, which is all my life is now, just lies."  
I cut another line next to my first one, just a little deeper. It felt good. I couldn't help myself, I just let it bleed, I let it bleed until the bathroom door busted open and some man was lifting me out of the bathroom and to the hospital bed, applying gauze and other things to my cut I tried to stop him but it was useless.  
"Why, why can't you just let it bleed! Just let it!" no one would listen to me, my mom sat in the corner and cried. I was still in shock until I saw Eli run through the hospital doors into my room I couldn't help myself. I just started crying, I couldn't help myself. It all came back to me, the fact that he did let me walk away, the fact that we didn't see each other graduate, all of my memories, I had finally realized were only fantasies. And fantasies don't come true. I had to be imagining Eli's arms around me, it couldn't be real. It couldn't be. I fell into a sleep enjoying my realistic fantasies. When I woke up, I knew that my head was going hay wire.  
"Eli," was all I said because I saw him next to me looking so real. His eyes were such a beautiful green, his lips slightly parted ready to talk, his face red, and blotchy. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around this angel, this magnificent fantasy.  
"Eli, you feel the same in real life" I told my dream version.  
"Clare, what are you talking about?" he looked confused.  
"Okay Eli, since this is my dream, we should go home, I don't want to spend this whole dream in the hospital, it's not exactly my ideal place."  
Clare, you aren't dreaming." I was so confused then I looked around and saw the doctors and my mom still crying.  
"Then w-why are you here? What do you want?" he looked like I just slapped him.  
"Why wouldn't I be here Clare, you are hurting yourself. Clare you need to stop, everything will be fine Clare, it wasn't your fault" that's when my mom came in.  
"What isn't your fault honey?" I started hyperventilating.  
"Clare! You didn't tell her, yet did you?" I shook my head no.  
"What didn't anyone tell me?"

ELI POV  
Clare was so messed up, she had been hurting herself, and her mom was still in the dark about her dad's affair. Why was Clare's life so complicated, she was forced to grow up way too fast, you could tell she never really had the happiest time growing up, then her family pulls this crap, and she can't handle it anymore. I wonder when she started cutting herself. I wonder when she started feeling so depressed that she couldn't talk to me about it. I wonder…

AT HOME THE NEXT DAY*  
CLARE POV

Eli didn't question me, after we told my mom what happened she just left. When I came home all her stuff was gone, she just up and left. I was so great full and shocked that Eli was still here, he didn't leave my side for one minute. Once we got upstairs to my room we just were just laying on the bed, in the silence.  
"Why did you do it?" Eli was starting to ask me. I couldn't lie to him, not after he stayed with me.  
"I honestly don't know, I just did it." A tear shed down my cheek.  
"Was it because of your dad?"  
"No"  
"then why?" I knew I had to tell him all of the story, all of it.  
"I thought that, after I told you what happened you wouldn't want to see me anymore, and I couldn't be happy without you, you are the only thing I have." He looked me in my eyes,  
"Clare I could never leave you unless you forced me too, and even then it would be hard to prove to me you really wanted me gone."  
"Eli, I would never want you gone, it's just best that you are gone." He looked confused,  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Eli, you had a perfect family, then when I came along it started to fall apart, I am no good for you, and we just have to admit that to ourselves."  
"Clare, this has nothing to do with me or you. Your dad and my mom would have slept together even if we never met, even if I hated you, which btw could never happen." I smiled at him.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, positive, now go get your PJ's on we are having an official sleep over." I sighed I walked up to my dresser and opened my top drawer, before grabbing my shorts I saw an envelope, sitting there, with my name across the front

**CLARE**

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_**well what did you think? REVIEWS I LOVE YOU ALL!**_


	21. A brand new start, at a brand new life

CLARE POV

I decided to ignore it for now, I mean I had enough stress in my life, I didn't need to have the weight of whatever was in that envelope. I got dressed, and laid on my bed waiting for Eli out of the bathroom.  
"Clare, what's wrong." I jumped, I was so deep in thought, what was in that envelope? What will people say at school?  
"Um nothing" he knew I was lying, so I got up and grabbed the envelope.

_**CLARE**_

_**Dear Clare,**_

_**Your father won't be returning home, I will be returning once a month, I cannot bare the site of anything that reminds me of your father, I am so sorry for leaving you in your time of need, it was wrong of me, I know nothing can make up for what I have done, I will keep paying the bills for the house, and electricity and such, but I want you to know, I do love you, and I am sorry. There is nothing that can make me come back. I want you to have this. It's a key to a lock box, you can find this lock box in my closet under the carpet, I really am sorry, but I know you can take care of yourself, enjoy this home do whatever you want with it as in decorations, take care of it and I will see you the first of every month, you know what is right, I love you,**_

MOM

I was in shock, what had my mother left in the safety deposit box? Eli was looking at me, I hadn't showed him the letter yet.  
"Clare, what is that? What is wrong!" I just handed him the letter and ran to my parents' bedroom. Why must life always throw me hardballs? I quickly tore up the carpet, and pulled out a huge black metal box. It was about two feet tall and two feet wide, what was in it? I pulled out the key and turned it slowly afraid of what I might find.  
as I opened the lid even more slowly than I unlocked it, a bunch of green paper was in nice even neat stacks. Oh my god. This has to be at least a million dollars!  
"Eli! Come here!" he ran into the room his face even more shocked then mine. Where had my mom received this money? I smiled a huge smile and started kissing Eli. He started kissing me back slowly, but surely then pulled away.  
"Clare what does this mean?" I sighed and took a deep breath.  
"How would you feel about moving in with me? I mean we have this whole house, an giant bed my parents don't need, and everything will be fine." He smiled then and began kissing me again. I pushed him on the bed and started making out with him.  
"Eli, life will be perfect!" he smiled and nodded his head. That was our first night in our new house; I don't think I could be happier, than I am right now.

The next day we went over to Eli's house to collect the rest of his things. We went to his room and got all of his clothes, his computer and desk, his bed, just in case, everything, just to make it feel more like at home, their home. We were almost done packing when his mom came home with the rest of the family, which is what we were trying to avoid.  
"Elijah Goldsworthy! What do you think you are doing?" his mom thought that she could just tell him off, I gave her disgusting looks the whole time.  
"I am moving, I can't live with you anymore after what you did." Then his dad cut in.  
"What did you do?"  
"SO YOU HAVENT EVEN TOLD HIM!" I went off on his mom,  
"I AM SORRY ELI, BUT YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL!"  
"Clare, I will tell him. Dad, mom has been having an affair, with Clare's DAD!" his dad looked shocked, his brother was livid, his little brother was oblivious. This was good.  
"Honey, why would you do that!" I couldn't stand to be in the same room as her, so I stormed off and took a bunch of Eli's stuff with me to Morty. Eli finally came out of his house about an hour later with the rest of his stuff,  
"Sorry I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't stay there without totally losing control."  
"Clare, don't even worry about it, I understand, they are going to work things out or try to at least, my dad told me it was fine with him to live with you but he wants to be able to visit, him and my brothers." I smiled of course they could come visit!  
"Why wouldn't they be able to? Unless you don't want them too, it is just as much of your house as it is mine." He smiled back at me, we drove home extremely happy and in the next week we had redecorated the whole house, we also had a lot of fun in our new bedroom, a lot of fun. I think it was the most fun we ever had, knowing that we would be together the rest of our lives living in our own home together, it was sooooo romantic, no one could interrupt us, no one could tell us what to do. We could just be us.  
ELI POV  
I really loved this girl, more than my life. When we were decorating the living room, we found all these old photos from when she was little, she tried so hard to hide them, but I wouldn't let her. Our living room was a beautiful emerald green with thick black vertical stripes. She picked it out; we had a green couch, and a green chare with a green and black foot stool. The carpet was white, the entertainment stand had a huge flat screen TV, and a billion movies. The kitchen had wall paper that was just so enteric I couldn't tell you what was on it, it was an orange-ish, red color though, and we had a grey marble counter top with matching cabinets. The fridge was a sterling silver as was the oven, and dishwasher. Her old bedroom was now the guest bedroom, was painted a cream orange, and had gold borders, the bed was queen sized and it was a gold and black bed spread. The dresser was dark red wood, as was the night stand, and the doors, the lamp matched the walls perfectible, it also had a TV just not as big as the one in the living room, it had a DVD player too, but all the movies were kept in the living room. Our room was the best room.  
We had her parent's old bedroom, we got a new bed because we didn't want to sleep in the same bed her parents did for 25 years. It was a king sized bed, with satin black sheets, and a velvet comforter, we each had a velvet pillow and a satin pillow but most nights Clare slept in my arms. Our walls were a beautiful clear blue with thin enter kit black swirls and lines, like vines. We had a black dresser and a black and blue night stand on either side of the bed, our TV was the same one in the guest room, we also had a huge stereo sound system Clare surprised me with, you can put the i-Pod in it as well as CD's, and tapes, I really liked it. We had a walk in closet that was painted white, and had lights all over it, half for her and half for me. We each had our own computer so we decided that we would keep one on a desk in our room and one in the living room. Darcy's old bedroom we decorated last, everything was exactly like Clare's old room, except that it was rearranged differently. Life would be great.

_**SO I NEED SOME IDEAS! WHAT ELSE COULD I ADD?**_


	22. Tease

CLARE POV

me and Eli were on our way to school, we parked in our regular parking spot, we hadn't been to school in about 3 weeks, go figure right? I had almost forgotten about school on general, I mean life was going so perfect, I even almost forgot about my delusional break down, but of course the halls of Degrassi would soon remind me.  
"That's that girl," or "She's the crazy one" or even "She knew the dead kid." And a lot of others it really got to me but I did my best not to show it, no one saw through my exterior, until I snapped.  
"Yea, BOTH of her parents left her, and she acts like she knew the T.J. kid, and she's Crazy, no wonder her parents left her!" that is when I had it, I walked up to the table of gossiping blondes, and glared at them, Eli was right on my heals, he had no idea what I was about to do.  
"Yea, both of my parents left me, but it's definitely not my fault, it's not my fault that my dad is a lying worthless piece of shit, or that my mom would rather leave me then confront my father, and I did know J.T., and I am most definitely not Crazy, I had a problem is all, so if you want to make some more stuff up about, I would LOVE to hear it, otherwise shut the hell up!" and with that I grabbed Eli's hand and started to walk away until one of those no good blondes tapped my shoulder.  
"So, is it also true that now that everyone has left you, your little boyfriend here and you play house? Wow you must be some skank!"  
"Listen, what I do is sooooo none of your business, how am I skank because I live with someone that I love, and the only people who left me, are the ones who matter least in my book, everyone who I love, is still here, so I am happier than ever, you know, I would watch out because it's girls like you, who get what's coming to them, your just lucky, that I am not going to stoop down to your level, so it won't be me, but it will be someone, so watch it!" with that me and Eli walked away. After school I went to meet Alli at the Dot, and when I got there, there was a little girl with her, it looked like a mini Alli, she had the same eyes and nose and hair as her.  
"Whose this?" she didn't look like she liked the little girl.  
"My ignorant, little cousin, she is super annoying Clare save me!"  
"Alli, relax, it cannot be that bad."  
"let's just ignore her, so how have things been at you and Eli's new home" she giggled, I knew what she was implying.  
"Well we have had a LOT of fun, we sometimes even…." I didn't know what to say considering there was this little girl here, so I substituted the word for "Working"  
"'WORK', well actually not sometimes, but allllll the time, we work on the bed, on the couch, on the… kitchen counter, on the-"  
"Clare, you to seem to 'work' an awful lot, are you 'working' safely at least?"  
"Definitely, we wouldn't be any other way, but I love him sooooo much, I am having the best time in my life right now! You should come over sometime, have a good time all parentless, a stuff."  
"Actually, that would be perfect, my parents don't even know about your situation."  
"Perfect, stop by any time!"  
"Well, hopefully you guys can take a vacation from… 'Work'" I started laughing, then she had to go because her cousin was driving her crazy. When I got home I had a good idea.  
"HONEY! IM HOME!" I walked into the kitchen to put my stuff down when two arms snaked their way around my waist from behind, how much I love this guy. I turned around and kissed him vigorously, his breath was in my face, all I could do was keep it going, like I could never stop, like it wasn't possible. Eli lifted her up onto the counter, and they continued to make out, while they slowly but surely started taking each others clothes off. Once his shirt was off, she began taking off her shirt, then her front door opened.  
"Geez Clare, you've been home for like 10 minutes, what did I tell you about the working to much?" Eli looked puzzled.  
"Sorry Alli, I had no idea that when I said 'any time' you would show up the very next moment, I mean of course I don't mind, but you can't be mad at me." Eli smiled and whispered in my ear.  
"I mind," but he smiled, to show me he was just kidding, Alli sighed and sat on my couch, then she began to complain about her little cousin, Eli was still confused about the working term, me and Alli laughed at him every time we mentioned it.  
"Stop, rewind, what are you guys talking about? Working? Huh? What?" we laughed again,  
"When I met up with Alli at the Dot, she had her little cousin there, so we used working as the code word, for what we really spend most of our time doing," she nodded in understanding, and had a full blown smirk on his face.  
"You see this Alli, I think we just boosted his ego, like he needed it."  
"Well, you guys look busy, so I am just going to go, call me later Clare!"  
"Will do!" when she left, Eli and I started to get back to what we were doing before Alli showed up, but then my phone went off, a certain ring tone I haven't heard in a while.  
"Eli, hold up I have to get that." He moaned,  
"Can't you just call them back, for me?"  
"Nope, it must be important." I picked up my phone.  
"Hey Declan!" Eli growled a huff under his breath, then on purpose started kissing my neck and biting my ear, knowing what would turn me on the most,  
"Hey! Prop Master Clare! How are you? It's been awhile?"  
"I-I'm fiiiiiiine." Eli was sooooo doing this on purpose, I knew just how I was going to get him back for this.  
"Are you uh- busy or something?"  
"Absolutely not, why what's up?"  
"Well I am going to have this killer party, you have to come, bring whoever you want okay?"  
"Yea definitely when is it?"  
"Um tomorrow, at 3 okay?"  
"Definitely! See you then! Bye!"  
"Bye Clare, see you soon." I turned to look at Eli with a seductive look, he continued to mess with me, that's when I put my plan into action.  
"OHH DECLAN!" he stopped automatically, I laughed at him, he just looked at me like he was calculating.  
"Would Declan do this?" he said as kissed me harder than ever.  
"Definitely not," after that we had a blissful night. Then we would get ready to party!


	23. Truth or Dare?

CLARE POV

A week and half has passed, it was a good, slow week and a half, Drew, Alli, Adam were invited over, who then invited Jenna who then invited KC, so to say it was an awkward start, was nothing compared to how the night went. First I gave everyone drinks then we sat down to catch up, then Alli had this wonderful idea that we needed to play truth or dare, not my favorite game, she said we have to answer every truth honestly, no passes, and complete every dare dared, no passes, or changes, so of course everyone agreed. This is how that went. 

3rd POV

"Okay Alli truth or dare?"  
"Dare,"  
"make out with Adam for 30 seconds," both Alli, and Adam protested but, this was her idea. So they did, Adam was not very happy, and to say Drew was uncomfortable, was least to say.  
"Happy?" Alli asked Clare.  
"Thrilled" Clare said with severe sarcasm.  
"Okay, Clare truth or dare?"  
"Truth." Everyone groaned but Alli, oh no.  
"How many times have you had sex, with who and where?" Clare's face lit up so red, she started to sweat. Eli of course had a smirk on his face, good ol' Eli.  
"That's 3 questions…"  
"Fine, where did you have sex with, every time you had sex?" she became even more red.  
"That, fine. But I am only telling you, you can't repeat this ever!"  
"NOPE! You have to say it, out. Loud."  
"Fine! You guys are killing me! Well, on the bed, on the um, couch, on the chair, on the, um the uh.."  
"Spit it out Clare!"  
"The um wall, and the floo-r-r, and the, the um, well the show-err" they all looked shocked except for Eli, of course his smirk just got bigger, of course he was the one she slept with,  
"Well, Clare who would of thunk it, care to liberate?" she shook her head n vigorously, and Alli laughed everyone was still in a state of shock except Clare, Eli, and Alli.  
"Eli, truth or Dare?"  
"Dare."  
"I dare you to… never ever speak of this again." He started laughing,  
"Fine, but do I get a reward? This is a hard dare to complete. If I do what do I get in return?" he asked with fake innocence. Clare kissed his cheek,  
"There, cherish it." Everyone started laughing so hard. Eli just playfully glared at her, everyone knew what they would do when everyone else left.  
"Adam truth or dare?"  
"Truth." Eli had a goofy grin on his face, again, kinda like he had an evil plan up his sleeve.  
"Who is the prettiest girl in the world?" Adam's face went beet red, instantly.  
"Well, I have never met her so I have no clue." He stuck his tongue out at Eli.  
"Drew, truth or dare?"  
"Dare,"  
"I dare you to tell Alli, something that you have wanted to tell her, but haven't because you're afraid she'll over reacted."  
Drew gave Adam the death glare.  
"Well, Bianca flirted with me."  
"What! I am going to kill her!"  
"NO! Be the person I know you to be! Be the better person!" she nodded and sat back down.  
"Okay, KC truth or dare?" he had a worried look on his face, and Drew had a devilish grin, almost more so than Eli's.  
"Truth."  
"Why did you cheat on Clare?" Clare had anger written all over her face.  
"How did you even know about that?" Drew glanced over at Alli, who looked guilty.  
"Well, I guess I fell out of, like? With her?" Eli looked uncomfortable, as did Clare.  
"Why didn't you just break it off then?"  
"ONE QUESTION! NEXT! Jenna, Truth or Dare?"  
"Dare," everyone looked worried.  
"I dare you to make out with Clare, for one minute." Jenna didn't seem to mind, but Clare, did.  
"Nope, this is her dare, and she can't fulfill it because I won't do it."  
"Please Clare-Bear, just one minute, everyone knows were not gay, I mean really? It's not that big of a deal!"  
"Fine." Everyone went into a fit of giggles. Eli smiled a genuine smile.  
"Clare, I never thought I'd see the day."  
"You know mister, you chances of doing anything, besides sleeping tonight, are slim to none." While everyone else tried to stifle fits of laughter, Eli's face went serious, and shut up. Jenna walked over to Clare, and practically sat on her lap and started making out with her, you could tell neither of them, were really into it, but as soon as that minute was over, the jumped apart.  
"Clare, truth or dare?" Clare sighed.  
"Dare,"  
"Okay Clare Bear. I dare you to tell us out of all the ways you named of how you have had sex, which one was your favorite?" Clare's face went red again. She smacked Eli's arm for no apparent reason.  
"Ouch what was that for?"  
"This is your fault!" they were both smiling while the tried to be mad at each other, but couldn't.  
"how is this my fault?"  
"Because, if you could've just taken woken up on time that one freaking day, we could've taken separate showers, but nooooooo, you HAD to take a shower with me." Eli wrapped his arms around Clare, she tried to smack him off, but did not succeed.  
"Clare, how is it my fault that YOU jumped me in the shower?" Clare scoffed,  
"Excuse me? I did no such thing! You were a VERY active participant, if I do remember!" Eli, smirked.  
"Yes, I definitely remember." They started flirting then everyone started clearing their throat. They pulled away with smiles plastered on their faces.  
"Okay Alli, truth or Dare?"  
"Truth,"  
"Who did you loose your virginity to, if you lost it?"  
"Clare, this is sooooo not fair!"  
"Neither is spreading my personal business with your boyfriend who just opened his fat mouth- no offense."  
"FINE! I lost my virginity to Johnny DiMarco."  
"Dude whose that?" Alli was so relieved that Drew had no idea who he was, until Clare piped back in.  
"He was a senior last year at Degrassi, and Alli felt like she needed to have sex with him, even though secretly he didn't care if she did or not." Alli was pissed off at Clare.  
"Why would you embarrass me like that?"  
"OH you mean how you have been embarrassing me all night?"  
FINE! No more though!"  
"Agreed, no more sex questions towards me!" she smiled,  
"Eli, truth or dare?"  
"Truth,"  
"Which sex experience was your favorite?"  
"Every single one with Clare." Clare smiled at him, he smiled back at her.  
"Well isn't this really non important." Adam said.  
"Fine, Drew truth or Dare?"  
"Dare,"  
"I dare you to, go around shirtless for the rest of the night," Of course Alli would say that, he didn't seem to mind.  
"KC, truth or Dare?"  
"Dare,"  
"I dare you to go outside, and scream while running down the street, but you have to scream as loud as you can!  
"FINE!" and so he did.  
"Clare, truth or dare?"  
"Dare,"  
"I dare you to go around in your bra, for the rest of the night," Clare was starting to resent this game, but she took her shirt off, but then she sat behind Eli, so no one could see her.  
"Cheater!"  
"Nope, you said that I had to go around in my bra, not that I couldn't hide behind Eli."  
"Whatever," then the night ended because Eli couldn't take it anymore and started aggressively making out with her, they totally forgot about their company because Clare climbed on top of Eli, and started taking his shirt, off so everyone took it upon themselves, to leave, but when they looked up Adam still sat there clearing his throat.  
"Why didn't you leave too?"  
"Because Eli drove me here?"  
"OH! Well then sleep over, my room is a guest room and so is Darcy's take your pick." Then Eli and Clare started running up the stairs.  
"I thought you said my chances were slim to none?"  
"Yea, well they turned in your favor, let's go," he laughed lightly, and picked her up so her legs were around his hips and they made their way to their room, this would in fact never get old

_**SO SHOULD I END IT? Should I end and concentrate on my other story? Or keep going?**_


	24. Not Good Enough

ADAM POV  
I couldn't believe them! They just told me to go to a room, while right next to me I know what they are doing! What am I supposed to ignore the noises? How can I? I swear! I am just going sleep on the couch, jeez!

THE NEXT DAY*  
CLARE POV  
"Eli, you love me right?" I asked as innocently as ever.  
"Of course, why would you even ask that?"  
"Well, it's just, don't get mad, but sometimes I wonder that maybe, what if, you know like what if you never came to Degrassi, or what if my parents never left, could you imagine what would've happened? Looking back I don't know how I ever lived without you." He smiled at me.  
"Same here, I feel like my life was nothing without you."  
"Well, I am going to go get a drink, want anything?"  
"Just some water, please." Since he has seen me naked I don't know how many times, I just slipped on his boxers, I had a bra on already. I was walking down stairs, but once I got there I saw Adam on my couch, I nearly jumped fifty feet in the air.  
"Adam! CLOSE YOUR EYES!" he looked at me, then his eyes got wide and he snapped them shut.  
"Oh, my god Clare is this how you treat your guests?"  
"I forgot you were here! When did you get here?"  
"When you and Eli were too busy undressing in front of me, you told me to forget a ride home to sleep in the guest room, at first it was okay, but then you guys were being, well quite frankly, very loud, so I came to the couch so I didn't have to hear it anymore! It was not very comfortable, knowing what you guys were doing." I was beet red.  
"Well I am going to go get dressed, jeez!" I felt so bad for Adam, even worse when I saw Eli strolling down the stairs, with nothing on but boxers, I shoved him up the stairs.  
"Adam is here! Remember? Get up stairs!" he sighed, then went back up stairs, we got dressed then came down stairs, Adam was still covering his eyes, I burst out laughing.  
"Adam you can un cover your eyes now, jeez!"  
"NOPE! If I look at you too many unpleasant memories from last night and this morning will come back, I am trying so hard to erase them from my memory, I think you traumatized me for life guys!" Eli burst out laughing with me.  
"I don't think I will sleep over here anymore, sorry but if this is how you guys act when you're not even alone! I can't nor do I want to imagine how you guys act when you are alone!"  
"Oh Adam, Adam, you have nooooooo idea." Eli smiled and leaned in to kiss me.  
"Well, Eli drive me home please, I need to poor bleach in my ears when I get home."  
"Gosh! I don't look that bad Adam!"  
"No, I never said you did, but I still don't want to see you without the proper amount of clothing required for the public eye." While Eli drove Adam home, I sat in the kitchen and made me and Eli some food, I cooked some pancakes, and eggs, and bacon for when Eli got home.  
"Eli! Come here, I have foooooooood!" He snuck up behind be and whipped me around to face him.  
"Thank you, beautiful." I smiled; I think I have more teenage hormones than normal teenagers. But Eli says that it's because every other teenager, has parents living with them, and they don't have the advantages we have, so we just express them a lot more. So of course, after we ate, Eli whisked me up to the bed room, to continue from last night, the only difference is when I decided to change things up a bit.  
"Eli!" I moaned his name louder than I ever have, but what he did next totally killed me inside.  
"Julia!" I was so shocked, I shoved him off of me, he looked at me, wondering why I did that, did he not even notice?  
"Clare, wha-"  
"YES! C-L-A-R-E! CLARE!" he still didn't even know what was the matter,  
"Are you okay?"  
"NO! I am not okay! Around a month and a half ago, you told me that you were ready! That you didn't need anymore time! But this just proved to me, that you were just using me the whole time, I cannot believe you, of all people would do this to me!"  
"Clare, what are you talking about?"  
"YES! CLARE, you called me JULIA!" his face went into sudden shock.  
"Clare, you have to know, I didn't mean it, I swear!"  
"Save it, I was just some rebound, but you can't just pretend, I am her, I get it really, I always knew that you loved her most, because we wouldn't of been anything, if she hadn't passed away, and I am sorry for that, but I am not her, so just stop lying to me, stop leading me on any further, trust me, if I would've known, that this was all a game to you, that while I gave myself to you, you just imagined I was someone else, that I would be okay with that? Well I am not!" and with that I stormed off to Alli's house.  
"Clare, what's wrong?" I could always trust Alli, when I needed a mutual party, I couldn't drag Adam into this one.  
"Eli, is a jerk! That's what's wrong!" she pulled me into a hug, and we laid on her bed while I cried my heart and soul out to her.  
MEAN WHILE*  
ELI POV  
Why did I do that? I cannot believe I did that! Now she thinks I don't love her! I think honestly I love her more than I loved Julia, it was an honest mistake.  
"Adam, you have to help me, I totally screwed up, majorly!" 


	25. I take the blame

_**Thank you so much for the Reviews, it gives me so much confidence, and I will totally try, to make the changes, thanx guys! I love Constructive critism, it makes my stories, all the better! sorry it took so long to update, i just moved from my mom's house to my dad's PLUS! i am so exited my birthday is coming up, SEPTEMBER 13th, 2010, i hate my bday because waiting for it, is like waiting 5 years, first i have to get through the WHOLE school year than the WHOLE summer than it FINALLY comes!**_

Adam's POV

"Eli, what did you do now?"  
"well I made a huge mistake, and Clare, thinks I don't love her, she thinks I was using her, this whole time, it was honestly a mistake, I swea-"  
"Just. Spit. It. Out!"  
"While me and Clare, where, you know, yea, I maybe, sorta, accidently called her, Julia."  
OMG he did what now?  
"WHAT! Of course she thinks you were using her! I would! Why would you do that? I mean, how that would happen?" he looked really ashamed of himself. Honestly, I feel for Clare more than Eli, but I do believe he loves her, so I have to help him, because I know in the long run, it will help Clare.  
"Well, what she was um, doing, at the time, reminded me of Julia, and it just sorta slipped out, I didn't even realize I did it until she started freaking out, I know I hurt her, and all, but I wish she would just talk to me."  
"Well man, you have to make her want to talk to you, use your smartass-ness to get to her, I don't know why but she seems to like it. Make her believe you, time is not what she needs, time is what she will TELL you she needs, but inside, she really wants you to admit that you fucked up and beg, girls are like that."

ELI POV  
damn, he's right, but honestly that shouldn't surprise me when the hell isn't he right?  
"Adam, my friend, this is where you come in, this is where, you go and, I don't know, Adamify?" don't ask why I said this, but I think the key to Adam, is flattery.  
"Eli, you know, that is flattering and all, but I am not stupid as hell, it wont work, I am not going in-between, like last time."  
"PLEEAASSEE!"  
"Nope."  
"Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please-"  
"FINE!" I knew I had him. Adam, Adam, Adam, what will I ever do with you.  
"So what's your plan?" he shook his head.  
"No, see this has to come from your heart, so your plan, and I am just the trusty sidekick that agrees to do what ever illegal, ridiculous, stupid, non worthy plan of yours, got it?"

I chuckled, at least he knew. We were walking to the store, on the way I saw Clare, at the park, the look on Clare's face made it obvious she still hadn't seen me, so part one of my plan was about to go in action. I hid behind a tree, and told Adam to go talk to Clare.  
"Hey, Clare, how are you?"  
"Damn it, Eli, I really wanted to keep you out of this, Adam, sorry, it's just I know he will use you in some plan of his. He is here, right now isn't he?" this girl knew me all too well. So I guess I can take the direct approach?  
"Clare, listen, Eli told me what happened, he is not here, he wanted to be, but I told him to just give you time," wow, I didn't realize he could lie this well, it makes me wonder.  
"But there is always two sides to a story, so if I am the in between again, I would like to here your side." She sighed, and looked at Adam, clearly not buying it, but talked anyway.  
"Well firstly, I don't fully blame him, I mean, if I t wasn't for me being so naïve, I would've seen it before I believed him. He was always there for me, so I guess that made me think that it was something real. He was just using me, as a, stand in, I guess you could call it, but not anymore, I have to get over him, I have to move on, which will be the hardest thing ever, but I can't keep crying about this, Adam, I mean it just hurts so bad," she started crying, and through her tears, you could tell that she didn't care who saw, she was letting go. It killed me to just sit here, why she was crying over this. It took all my might to stay behind this tree.  
"Clare, did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe you should let him talk?"  
"Yes it did, but I can't trust my head around him, all my thoughts go out the window, and all I can think about is how he touches me, and how wonderful his voice is, then I just give in, I can't do that, If he knew this." She stopped talking and just literally threw herself onto Adam. He hugged her back, and she continued.  
"if he knew this, than all hope would be gone, I wouldn't have anymore control, nothing. I shouldn't be with him, it would be different if he wasn't such a good actor, you know, like you could tell that there was something off about him, I thought it was just his personality, not to show feelings, but there really wasn't any feelings to be shown, I just set myself for failure. So log story short, I do love him, I do blame him, but I also blame myself. I keep hurting myself, emotionally, first KC, then my parents, and now Eli." I was on the verge of tears. I couldn't believe this is really what she thought.  
"How could you say that?" she looked at him like it was obvious.  
"Well, with KC, I truly believed that he cared about me, that he was a nice guy, but what was really happening, is that he was bored, so he tried something new, found out that Jenna was truly better, and I was just, me. So then I tried to change and then my parents started fighting, but when ever Darcy was here, they were the perfect parents, I wasn't strong enough to keep them around, and they left because they had nothing to stay for. And then there's Eli, who knew that I would do what ever he wanted me too, so he just made up the words, and knowing that I would go along with his script. If I wasn't so stupid, or boring, or weak, then my life would be perfect." He was about to cry to now, I could see it, while me all ready crying.  
"Well Clare, I get it that you need time to think, but hopefully you will realize the huge mistake your making, I mean, would I lie to you? And you are the most intelligent, unpredictable, strong person, I know. Plus you are too kind, all you do is put others before yourself, now it's time, you stop taking the blame, this is all Eli's fault, it's all KC's fault, and it's all your parents fault, okay? Remember that, and also keep in mind that if Eli didn't care, why would he leave his family to live with you? Why would he risk his great relationship with his brothers, just to see your face every morning and every night? Keep it in mind, but I really have to go, my mom needs me home. Call me later." This boy is good, he could be a con man!  
CLARE POV

I knew that Adam was right, but it is so easier to take the blame than just deal it to other people, I mean if you take the blame, then you don't have to be mad at anyone else. But I did need to let Eli explain, just not in person, or on the phone, so how?


	26. The New Guy

THE NEXT DAY:  
CLARE POV

I have decided how I was going to talk to Eli, I couldn't see him, so I'm going old school, letters.

_Eli, I have decided to let you try to explain, please don't come talk to me, just write it down and give it to Adam, I can't see you, so just do it, I will really try to understand, but I want you to know, I am not mad, I am just hurt._

_Sincerely,_

_Clare_

For the rest of the day, I tried to keep Eli out of my mind, as I passed him in the halls of Degrassi, I did my best to act like he was just another student, but it trying to do so, and I ran into someone.

"Oh, I am so sorry," I looked up to see a really attractive boy, about a half a foot taller than me, dark hair, in a weird style that really suited him. He had a really cute smile, and beautiful brown eyes.

"Don't worry about it, I should've been paying attention, my name is Tristan, Tristan Woods." He shook my hand, and I smiled back at him.

"Clare, Clare Edwards. Are you new?" he nodded.

"Yea, my other school didn't really accept, different, I guess you could say," I was confused, he obviously saw that.

"Well, I am gay." I nodded, that made sense.

"Oh, well people here for the most part, don't care, there is way to much drama here already, "his smile grew wider,

"What class do you have next?" i was curious of what grade he was in.

"English, with , you?"

"Oh, me too, are you a junior? Or just smart?"

"Well, I'd like to say I was smart, but I am a junior, but I doubt you are." How did he know?

"Oh, yea how could you tell?" he shrugged.

"Just a guess, well lets go to English." I smiled; I really liked this guy, real nice.

"Uh definitely." Just as we were about to walk away, Adam came up.

"Clare, can I talk to you for a minute?" I nodded, and then told Tristan I would see him in English.

"Clare, have you gave the Eli situation a thought?" I nodded then handed him the note.

"This is a note for Eli, I really don't care if you read it or not, because he'll just show you it anyway, just give it to him okay?"

"Fine." He seemed agitated,

"What's wrong with you?"

"Honestly, I am trying to play the match maker, and your flirting with another guy!" I just laughed at him and walked away, he had no idea. I'll let him sweat it.

When I got to English I sat down in the back, like I have been lately, than Tristan came and sat next to me, I was surprised, but I smiled at him as he smiled back and sat down. We started talking.

MEAN WHILE ELI POV

"Dude, do you see that?" I already knew what he was pointing to, but I tried hardest to ignore it, but little to know progress, because Adam just had to bring it up.

"Adam, what are you talking about?" I said in a tired, pleading tone, my sarcasm was wearing thin.

"Clare is totally flirting with that dude, DO SOMETHING!" what the hell was I supposed to do! Go and piss her off even more.

"Oh, and dude Clare wants me to give you this." He handed me a note with my name elegantly written on the front, I missed her hand writing, and she used to leave me cute little notes on her pillow when she left before I woke. Oh how I need her. After I read the letter, I felt pain in my heart, and my stomach drop, she wasn't even mad, just hurt. Because of me. And now she was flirting with the new kid. Because of me.

CLARE POV.  
Tristan and I agreed to go to the Dot after school, so when I got out of my last class he was at my locker waiting for me. I smiled; it reminded me of when Eli used to do that, and Adam.

"So, let me just get my stuff and then we can go okay?" I nodded, as he went to walk away, Eli started to walk up to me, I turned when I saw him, and started walking the other way, and I really didn't want to see him. I wasn't moving on or anything, I was just healing, and then I could think clearly about the whole Eli situation. Luckily I already had all my stuff so I went towards the school entrance, and hid next to the stairs, before Eli could see me, he sighed when he couldn't find me, and went to Morty, I miss Morty too. I miss my house. Our house.

When I saw Tristan come out of school I walked up to him, I had no idea what car was his, so I just fallowed him. He had a real nice car. I mean exquisite, a metallic orange mustang, nice.

"So, what is the Dot exactly?" of course he wouldn't know, he was new here.

"Well it's a coffee shop that everyone always goes to after and before school, just to hangout. The workers there went to Degrassi too."

"So, who do you usually go to the Dot with?" he slightly looked at me, but had to also pay attention to the road.

"I usually go with my friends Adam or Alli or my boyfriend, I think Eli, but we are not on speaking terms right now."

"Do you want to talk about?" he was so nice!

"not particularly, what about you, where did you go before going to Degrassi?"

"I went to Toronto Prep." OMG!

"I used to go there. But then my mom wanted me to go to public school, so once I was out of the 8th grade, she transferred me to here."

"Did you want to switch schools?"

"Not really, at first, I was mad at her, so I kept wearing my uniform to school here, that's when I met my first boyfriend, KC, but he ended up being a jerk, but I am glad I came to Degrassi, I wouldn't met any of the friends I have now." He smiled at me.

"You know, you have such a pretty smile, I can't get over it." He smiled even bigger.

"Thanks, no one usually comments on my smile, but thanks." Hmm.

"You know what's odd, I am usually too embarrassed to compliment people, especially boys, but with you, I'm not, I wonder what it is?" he shrugged.

"Maybe I just have that kind of an impression?" I laughed.

"You know, I only know 2 people who are sooooo smug, you and Eli, I swear, and what is it with you guys?"

"So, what was your favorite thing about Toronto Prep?" I sighed,, thinking back it wasn't a cheerful place there is only one thing I like about it now though.

"Degrassi has so much drama, Toronto Prep had no drama what so ever, I wish Degrassi was like that,"

"But that's what makes it high school, jeez Clare, you have such an old soul." He said it like it was a normal thing to say,

"Is that bad?" as I asked that we pulled up into the Dot.

"No, well not unless you want to be a bubbly cheerleader, who gets pregnant with some guy she doesn't know even though she has a boyfriend." I couldn't help but laugh as he described Jenna, all too perfectly.

"What's so funny?" he looked thoroughly confused.

"Well, last year I dated this guy named KC, and he cheated on my with this girl named Jenna, cheerleader, bubby, blonde, this year, got pregnant with someone else's baby while dating KC, and she doesn't know the father." I kept laughing,

"You have had a fair deal of drama." With that Adam came in and handed Clare Eli's letter. She sighed and opened it; Adam sat there and glared at Tristan.

"Adam what is your problem?" he ignored me and started talking to Tristan,

"Are you aware, that she has a boyfriend?" Tristan laughed with me.

"Yes I am, why?" Adam looked shocked, but then recovered.

"And you don't care?" he was sooooo playing along with this. Adam, Adam, Adam.

"Why should it matter?"

"BECAUSE SHE ISNT SINGLE!" we started to laugh again, then I interrupted.

"Adam, just go." He huffed and walked away.

"he really is persistent, he thinks that we have been flirting, I find it funny." He nodded with his smile on his face.

"Who is you English partner?" I was curious, on to who he would get paired up with.

"Someone named Mark, Fitzgerald, or something." I almost doubled over.

"Um, you can't work with him, like ever." He was confused I could see it on his face.

"You know what, you can work with my English partner, and I'll work with yours, problem solved."

"What's this big deal with my partner?"

"He isn't very, open minded. My friend, Adam, well he is a FTM female to male transgender, and when Fitz found out, he threw him through a wall. He doesn't need to meet you, Eli wont care."

"Well if your friend there thinks were flirting, I highly doubt your boyfriend won't think so as well."

"And if that's the case, then don't you think that he would prefer work with you than you work with me and he work with FITZ." He wasn't going to let this go.

"But, do you think he will be so reluctant to let YOU work with Fitz?" he made a good point.

"Fine, then I will leave him with 2 decisions, one he work with you, or I work with you." He smiled, and then drove me to Alli's. And surprise, surprise, guess whose hearse was sitting in the Bandarri driveway? I had almost forgot about the fact that I was staying at Alli's house, so I guess Eli knew that too, well time to face the music.

_**A/N: i mentioned this character to look a lot like Zane, especially the SMILE THAT I LOVE SO MUCH!**_


	27. Happily Ever After

CLARE POV

When I got into Alli's house Eli, and Alli were sitting on the couch, I slipped in so that they couldn't here me.

"It's just, she's really hurting, I wish she would take you back, but I can't make her talk to you, I understand that it was a mistake, and I hope you know she really isn't mad, she just feels like really exposed, and raw, and she can't really come back out of her shell." He started to nod.

"Well I truly love her, and honestly more than I ever loved Julia, it was an honest accident, and," he was cut off when I 'came home' I slammed the door, even though I was already here. They jumped off the couch, and Alli came up and grabbed my hand, and Eli tried to talk to me. I cut him off, I couldn't take it anymore, I kissed him. He kissed me back, and then once I realized what I was doing I pulled away, I took Alli by the hand and dragged her to the kitchen.

ELI POV

I was shocked, Clare just kissed me, and then dragged Alli away, I fallowed shortly after them and listened to what they said,

"Clare, what is the matter, who can't just kiss him and go back to ignoring him!"

"I know! I told you I can't handle being in the same room as him."

"Well then either forgive him or don't there is no in between,"

"Is it bad, if I don't mind being used?" being used? I wasn't using her!

"Clare, he isn't using you, it was JUST AN ACCIDENT! Maybe the fact that, you can't stand the sight of him without kissing him is a sign to forgive him?" Finally! I really need her to forgive me!

"Alli, please, I forgive him really, but I can't help but be on the fence on this, what am I supposed to do?" um, talk to me? Hellllloooo

"Talk to him! Face to face, don't hold back, stop it with the notes, it isn't the same!" thank you!

"Fine," oh there coming, I ran to where I was standing, and waited for them to come back.

"Eli, I think it's time we had a real talk."

"Me too." We walked out on to the porch and opened the back of Morty; we sat down with our feet hanging out the end.

"So," you could tell she was nervous.

"I am really sorry, I don't know what YOU want me to say, so I am just going to tell it straight, I miss you, I love you more than anyone I have ever met, including Julia, I know I messed up, but I would really, really want you to forgive me, I understand you feel hurt, and I understand that it's hard to believe me, but I am not a liar, nor will I ever be. I am not a cheater. I don't do drugs, I LOVE the color green, dark green of course, i don't drink, I am in love with the most perfect and amazing girl in the whole world-"

She cut me off, yet again and started kissing me, but then it got heated, we started making out, in public, which is unlike Clare, it only happened a few times.

"I already forgive you, and it's killing me not being with you. I love you too, and I want you to know I was never mad at you for loving Julia, I tot-"this time I cut her off by kissing her, she grabbed the collar of my coat, and brought me on top of her, we were having a joyous time, until Alli came out of her house, and tapped on the door.

"Knock, knock, I take it you two made up, or this another one of Clare's impulses?" we started laughing.

"Yes we made up." With that me and Clare, got all of Clare's things and drove home, our home. Together.

AT HOME  
THIRD PERSON POV

Clare pulled Eli up the stairs, she grabbed his jacket and tore it off. Then she started to undress her self, she took her shirt off and threw it at Eli, while plopping on the bed, she started unbuckling her jeans, but Eli, was already there slowly but surely taking off every single article of clothing she had, then Clare, pushed Eli on the bed and started pulling his jeans down, she was rubbing 'little Eli' to tease Eli. He moaned as she grabbed it, and started rubbing in harder and harder, Eli couldn't take it anymore, and pulled himself on top of her, and thrusted hard and fast. Clare took it upon her self to bite his neck and dig her nails into his back; he groaned in pleasure as he bit her nipple, she moaned in pure bliss, he continued to thrust in and out of her, then he kissed her breast over and over, hickey after hickey, could be found on her body, while red claw marks were all over Eli's back, finally they lay there, bursting into pure ecstasy, with there loving battle scars more than visible knowing that they could overcome anything, and everything, that they would live a happy and healthy life. They were madly in love with each other, so much as though it made them sick sometimes, but in the end, they were always together.

_**THE END FOR EVER!**_

_**I am sorry, but I have to end this story! it keeps getting worse because I have no idea what to do, I struggled just to get here, but hey atleast it ended with a okay-ish sex scene?**_


End file.
